Vice Versa
by Kleio the Muse
Summary: JD slash, set after 'Need'. Jack and Daniel have some soul-searching to do and what better place for that than this topsy-turvy planet!
1. Prologue

The door to the laboratory flew open with a bang and made way for Colonel Jack O'Neill to enter.   
  
"Hey, Dan... oh, Carter, didn't know you were in here."   
  
"Colonel."   
  
Sam's gaze took a brief leave from the microscope to acknowledge the colonel's presence.   
  
"Haven't seen Daniel, have you?"   
  
"Here, Jack," Daniel sighed as he reached his head up from behind his desk. "I dropped some papers, and..."   
  
"How nice. Well, that can wait. I need your help with something."   
  
"I'll come," Sam said, seeing that Daniel had his work cut out for him with the pile of files scattered across the floor.   
  
"No, I really need Daniel for this one. No offence, captain, but I gotta get some stuff from storage and..."   
  
"Sir, I can manage..."   
  
"I *know* you can. It's just such a minor thing that I'd hate to tear you away from anything important for it, whereas Daniel here..." Jack said turning towards the man, who was gathering his papers frantically from the floor and throwing them into a shapeless heap on his desk, "...has absolutely nothing better to do."   
  
"Oh, thank you so much!"   
  
Daniel cast Jack a glance to accompany his wry grin that left no room for misinterpretation, but even the icy coldness of his blue eyes couldn't surpass the warmth of the colonel's smile. Talk about the last line of defence...   
  
"Don't mention it. Now, on your feet and follow me."   
  
Sam couldn't help smiling to herself as the she watched Daniel hurry after Jack into the corridor. Those two were inseparable; tied by the ankles and destined to run in the same direction, no matter how much each of them attempted to stay on a path of his own. But when you have black and white in equal quantities, what else are you going to get but grey and she was watching the perfect shade of grey. The continuous teasing and bickering, all those quick looks exchanged between them, the way they were unquestionably prepared to die for one another; that was a true friendship if she ever saw one.   
  
With a deep sigh she turned back to the microscope. At times Sam had a passing sensation that she 'mattered', that she had a place in the team and even an essential place, and yet she knew she could never form that same kind of bond which Jack and Daniel so explicitly shared. She could never compete with that. Although the men hadn't known each other much longer than her or Teal'c, they existed on a level the elevator in the SGC could not and never would reach.   
  
But inevitably the petty little beast called envy had to humble itself and crawl back underneath the mossy rock, where it belonged but never did stay.   
  
Sam's lips curved upward. Those two were simply adorable.   
  
****   
  
"Jack, wait up!"   
  
But Jack didn't seem to register Daniel's voice, nor did he make any effort to slow his pace. Down the corridor, right, straight ahead, left, right again, straight, straight, quick left and they were there. The keys were already in Jack's hand and the door experienced the fate of its colleague only minutes before and banged against the wall from the strength of the push.   
  
"We need some stuff for our next mission," Jack said loudly. "It could take some time to find them, but we really need those things."   
  
"Fine, you don't have to shout," Daniel said and stepped past Jack into the storage room.   
  
Jack was quick to follow and before Daniel had time to react in any way, the door was closed and locked, he was pushed against the concrete wall and trapped between it and Jack's body, both equally hard.   
  
"Uh, Jack..."   
  
"Just shut up, Daniel... I've been waiting all day for this... don't you dare ruin it by talking."   
  
The words were barely audible, a broken string of half-swallowed sounds, coming from a mouth busily engaged in kissing Daniel's neck, face, hair, whatever it could find and enjoy.   
  
"Jack, I think..."   
  
"No. Don't think."   
  
Hands were clasping Daniel's buttocks, lips burning marks on his skin, the tongue fighting its way into his mouth. Daniel could feel his trousers around his ankles, soon accompanied by his boxer shorts.   
  
"No, Jack... we really need to talk..."   
  
But there was no possible way of getting through to the colonel at that moment. He wasn't interested in the words coming out of the man's mouth; there were a number of functions he could think of for that mouth and talking had most definitely hit the bottom of the long and diverse list. Instead he took a firm grip of Daniel's arm and swung him around with one quick move. Pressing Daniel's body hard against the cold concrete, Jack took hold of his wrists and lifted the man's hands above his head and pinned them to the wall. Daniel was his.   
  
"Jack, I don't think we should be doing this..."   
  
"Shut up, Daniel. Don't think. Don't talk."   
  
The wall was scratching Daniel's cheek, but it wasn't that that was bothering him. He opened his mouth to make one last appeal to Jack, but the words got stuck midway, wouldn't come out of their hiding and show themselves to the clearly distracted audience. To himself Daniel justified his silence by being afraid of provoking Jack any more than he already had; admitting that his reluctance to move a muscle sprang purely out of his own growing pleasure would have been to shout his moral weakness and lack of backbone from the inner rooftops.   
  
Time stood still and so did Daniel, as if having been transformed into a bronze statue, legs slightly apart, hands up against the wall, silently waiting, expecting. He could feel Jack's hand still pressed into his back, keeping him tight in its hold without any prospects of ever escaping. Daniel couldn't even see the man in control of his body, merely stare at the shelf full of boxes right next to him. Fragile. He kept reading the word on one of the boxes over and over again until it turned into a sort of mantra for him. Fragile.   
  
But after what seemed to be an endless eternity the torture of not knowing what was happening became too much for Daniel, and gathering all his courage, he whispered the inevitable question.   
  
"Uh, Jack... What are you doing?"   
  
"Just admiring this ass of yours. God, how I missed it! Never go away for so long ever again, you hear?"   
  
His fingertips travelled across the fuzzy butt cheek, stopping for a moment to gently caress the firm muscle and then following the soft curve further down and back up again. Jack couldn't, and didn't even try to, take his eyes off of it. He recognised true beauty when he saw it.   
  
"We can't do this, not now..."   
  
"Oh, yes now!"   
  
The hand had been torn away from Daniel's buttocks to be engaged in a more pressing matter. Jack was about to burst and freeing his erection from the prison of his trousers took priority even over enjoying the feel of the flesh shivering slightly in front of him. But that was not enough. He would have to have more. Locating the tube of lubricant in his pocket, Jack tore off the cap with his teeth and applied it generously onto his shaft, not forgetting to save some for Daniel as well.   
  
Daniel twitched as the cool gel hit his skin. He couldn't let this happen.   
  
"Jack... please..."   
  
"I told you to shut up, Daniel. Don't you *ever* listen?"   
  
"But..."   
  
The time for buts was gone. Jack couldn't wait a second longer and with force he pushed himself inside Daniel. Through the surge of pleasure he could hear a new wave of protests flowing from Daniel's mouth and reached out his hand to stop it.   
  
"C'mon now, Danny," he whispered as his hand pressed harder against Daniel's lips. "I know you want this, so quit whining; we don't have much time."   
  
One of the fingers had already slipped past the tightened lips and knowing he had lost the fight, Daniel took it in, leaving the door open for the rest to follow. He kissed his mantra goodbye and concentrated all his energy on Jack's fingers, sucking them, biting them. He could feel the warmth of Jack's breath on his neck, the wetness of his tongue in his ear, the hardness of his flesh inside him and the sweetness of the strawberry flavoured lubricant in this mouth. Jack was filling him completely.   
  
Though his defences were already shot down, Daniel did snap out of it in time to react to the touch of Jack's hand as it slid over his hips and towards his hardening organ. Reaching down, Daniel pulled the hand away. But Jack seemed determined to give Daniel the same satisfaction that he himself was enjoying.   
  
"No, Jack," Daniel muttered with Jack's fingers still in his mouth.   
  
"No?"   
  
"No."   
  
Jack was entangled too deep in his passion to take any more notice of Daniel's words, to wonder at his refusal, and he resigned himself to letting go and instead reached for the man's hands high up on the wall, where he was welcomed with relief.   
  
In the midst of the gallery of images that had crowded his mind the past three days it didn't take Jack long to reach his peak and cast his semen inside Daniel. With a low groan he slumped against Daniel, wanting to stall the inevitable separation from that most beautiful of all behinds.   
  
"Welcome home, Daniel," he finally managed to whisper. "I missed you like crazy."   
  
But Daniel didn't reply. He was numb. Nothing Jack said or did could reach him.   
  
"We better get the hell outta here, before someone wanders in. You coming?"   
  
Daniel's thoughts were moving in a different sphere altogether, a sphere where the time ran considerably slower, where everything was covered with soft, white mist, like a cloud descended from the sky to pull him into its comforting bosom. But the voice cut violently through the heavenly cloud. Jack was asking him something, he should really say something, anything.   
  
"I... I'll stay here.. a little while..."   
  
"Okay, whatever. Just don't forget to grab something before you leave, any box will do. I'll see ya later."   
  
And after a quick kiss, Jack was gone.   
  
Shivering slightly, and not solely because of the coolness of the air, Daniel hurried to pull his trousers back up, get himself covered, hide the memory of the whole incident. The cloud seemed to be melting away, scattering itself around the storeroom and losing its softening quality. Turning around, Daniel still wasn't able to let go of the wall and he leant his entire body weight against it, seeking comfort from its solidity, its uncompromising presence, but his legs had come to the end of their endurance and slowly he slid down the wall and onto the floor.   
  
And then came the tears. There was no stopping once they had started to pour. And Daniel was the last person to stop them.   
  
He felt violated, used, alone. This was precisely what he had hoped to prevent. He had gone through it so many times in his head as he had sat in the plane last night, tried out every conceivable scenario. Except this one.   
  
Covering his face with his hands from the unseen eyes of the concrete walls, he let himself be swept away by the wave of sobs that rushed through his body. This was not supposed to happen, not ever again. And yet here he was, still dripping Jack's sperm into his pants. How could he have been so weak? Of course he had known what Jack had had in mind when storming into the lab; the moment he had heard the word 'storage' being uttered, there had been no doubt in his mind about what his welcoming ceremony would consist of. But why hadn't he fought back, why had he submitted himself to Jack yet again? It had been the only thing in his mind during these past three days he had been away, sitting in the conference auditorium, appearing to be listening to the lecturer, but instead searching desperately for the right way to tell Jack that it was over.   
  
Gasping for air between the sobs, Daniel thought back once more to the time it had all started, when he had first known that Jack meant something more to him, nearly three months ago, crying here in Jack's arms, in this very room; the irony of it all was almost enough to make him sick. Though of course that time had been purely consoling, nothing but empathy on Jack's part and chaotic confusion on his, and nevertheless, Daniel had known it there and then, shaking in Jack's hold and sharing his pain with the man. He had known it more clearly than ever before, and there would never be any use in denying it.   
  
What had ultimately mattered the most was the weeks after that, how Jack had helped him through the addiction he had developed to the sarcophagus, how the man had been there for him, because that's what it all boils down to in the end, just being there, being present.   
  
First there had been two men trying to heal their wounds, physical as well as emotional, and Daniel was convinced that Jack had found as much strength from him as vice versa. The time spent in imprisonment and in the mines had carved its mark into Jack's body and the memory of Shyla had kept Daniel in a hold of its own till their return to the planet. Although as a matter of fact, his heart had been mended long before that and there was no question by whom.   
  
Daniel couldn't help smiling through the tears as the memory of their very first night together appeared before his mind's eye, the night the dream had started...   
  
****   
  
After Daniel had been released from the infirmary, Jack had insisted that he would stay at his house, but Daniel's stubbornness had won the argument over at whose place it would be and so Jack had moved in for the time being, as it was agreed upon.   
  
The first two days had gone well, Daniel being quite out of it due to the drugs, but on the third day he had decided the sedatives were only making him feel worse by filling his world with giant cotton balls and giving the effect of floating free in a soft and steady stream while simultaneously being trapped in a room where the walls kept coming closer and closer until he felt like suffocating and could actually taste the cotton in his mouth. Therefore, he had stopped taking the pills and that was when he had stopped sleeping, as well.   
  
The insomnia had been intolerable and carefully concealed from Jack, since Daniel hadn't wanted him to get all worried for nothing. As a result, he had started his solitary night-life, sneaking quietly around the dark house, getting a drink of water or fetching some book or other from the living room; anything to keep him on the move and out of bed.   
  
And it was one of those trips to the living room that had made all the difference.   
  
Jack slept on the couch as he had done for almost a week. It wasn't the first time Daniel had halted to take a look at the sleeping man, but that one particular night, he had stayed a little bit longer, sat down in the chair next to the sofa to watch Jack's chest rise in a steady rhythm and listen to the slight snore echoing down in his throat. He remembered thinking how peaceful Jack had looked, how far the mellow man in the moonlight had been from the matter-of-fact colonel of the daytime.   
  
Only a little movement in his sleep and Jack's eyes opened, then closed for long enough to let Daniel give a sigh of relief before they were wide open again.   
  
"Daniel? What's wrong?"   
  
Jack was already up and reaching for the light-switch on the table lamp.   
  
"I'm fine. Please, don't turn on the light. I like the dark."   
  
"So, what is it? Can't sleep?"   
  
Daniel nodded.   
  
"Nightmares?"   
  
"No. I just can't close my eyes. Too much to think about."   
  
"Not nice thoughts, I take it."   
  
"Not particularly. I have to have something to do, all the time, to keep me from thinking."   
  
"So, you've taken to listening to me snore, huh?"   
  
"You don't snore... that much."   
  
Even Daniel had to smile seeing the offended look on Jack's face.   
  
"Okay, why don't we get you back to bed and see what we can do about this insomnia of yours," Jack said, getting up and pulling Daniel up from his chair as well. "Maybe if I tried singing you a nursery rhyme or something..."   
  
"If I didn't have nightmares *before*..."   
  
"Come here and say that again...."   
  
Jack led him into the bedroom, but when offering to tuck Daniel in, he met with strong resistance.   
  
"No, Jack, I can't." Daniel shook his head and started backing away from the bed and towards the door. "Maybe it would be better if you slept here, I can be awake just as easily on the sofa."   
  
"Do you have any idea what that thing does to your back? Don't think I'm ever going to walk straight again."   
  
"Oh, I've dozed off on there quite a few times, believe me, and that's all the more reason why you should stay here instead of me."   
  
"Look, Daniel, my back is killing me already; it won't make the slightest bit of difference where I sleep the rest of the night. So, get in the bed and I'll read you a nice story of..." Jack said and took a look at the title of the book on Daniel's night stand, "The Golden Bough, volume one? I'm almost afraid to ask, but how many are there?"   
  
"Uh, twelve. It's a classic nineteenth-century study in anthropology."   
  
"Of course it is," Jack sighed.   
  
"I've got to have something to do."   
  
"Ever tried knitting?"   
  
Jack did his best to hide the signs of pain as he bent to put the book down, but Daniel was quick to notice the clenching of his teeth.   
  
"You know, I'm told I'm pretty good at giving massages, I could probably do something for that back of yours..."   
  
"You?"   
  
"Yes, me. Get on your stomach and I'll show you."   
  
"Daniel..."   
  
"Please. It'll give me something to do. I need this."   
  
With a surrendering sigh Jack eased himself onto the bed and placed his hands under his cheek as a pillow. Daniel rolled his T-shirt up and hesitated for a moment before letting his fingers dig deep into the stiffened muscles.   
  
"This is going to hurt."   
  
"More than that?"   
  
"Sorry. I'll try to be more gentle."   
  
Daniel's fingers slid on Jack's skin, admiring its surprising softness, taking note of every mole and scar, learning the curves and discovering the tender spots. Jack said nothing, apart from a few overly dramatic mock-moans, and Daniel continued his work in silence.   
  
He took no notice of the first tears as they hit Jack's back. His hands kept doing the same circular motion, rubbing the salty liquid into the skin.   
  
Jack, on the other hand, had felt the drops on his back and turned around to confirm his suspicions.   
  
"Daniel? What is it?"   
  
But Daniel could only shake his head and bury his face in his hands.   
  
"Hey, buddy, talk to me."   
  
"No, I can't... I just... can't..." Daniel muttered and tried to get up, but Jack had already gotten a firm grip on his arm and pulled him back down.   
  
"Nothing I haven't seen before," he said quietly. "You're not going anywhere till you tell me what's wrong."   
  
"I can't... I..."   
  
Daniel burst into violent sobs, and mostly due to sheer tiredness, he lost the battle against his pride, letting loose the pack of emotions that he had kept under strict guard those past few days.   
  
"I can't trust myself. I try, Jack, I really try not to think about the sarcophagus, about Shyla, but I can't trust myself not to think about it..."   
  
"Okay, take it easy," Jack cut into the irrational babble. "You don't trust yourself... with what? What exactly are you afraid of?"   
  
"That I'll suddenly get the urge to go back, that I won't be able to fight it..."   
  
"Well, that's why I'm here, Daniel. I'm not gonna let you do anything that stupid."   
  
"That's what I'm afraid of! Of what I would do if you stood in my way! God, Jack... I almost shot you once. What guarantee do I have that it won't happen again?"   
  
"You *almost* shot me, listen to me, *almost*. That wasn't you holding the gun, it was the addiction, not you."   
  
"Yes it was me! I don't remember that much of what happened, but I do remember the gun in my hand, that feeling, how I was so ready to kill you, Jack, just like that... just like that..."   
  
"No, no, Daniel." Jack reached to gather him into his arms. "You didn't shoot me, because you beat that addiction, you won and you've been winning ever since."   
  
"What guarantee do I have..."   
  
"You're getting better, that's your guarantee."   
  
"I sat there," Daniel said, pulling back from Jack, "in the living room, watching you sleep and thinking how easy it would be to take a pillow and hold it..."   
  
"But you didn't! I'm here, aren't I?"   
  
"But what if--?"   
  
"No! You're winning this fight, I know you are. And I'm not afraid of you, so there's no reason for *you* to be!"   
  
"Jack..."   
  
"C'mere," Jack said softly, pushing Daniel down on the bed and laying himself down next to him. "You can get a bit spooky sometimes, but scary - never."   
  
In the dim light of the room, coming through the window and colouring everything cold grey, Daniel could see the warm smile on Jack's face.   
  
"Thanks."   
  
"You're very welcome."   
  
Jack reached to wipe away the last trace of tears from Daniel's face and somehow ended up staying that way, gently cupping Daniel's cheek and stroking the unshaven skin with his thumb. Daniel's eyelids felt unusually heavy and he slid into a place where there was no sarcophagus and where nothing moved, not people, not time, nothing except for Jack's hand, the sole holder of that rare privilege.   
  
However, the strokes on Daniel's skin were getting ever lighter until completely gone.   
  
"Jack, don't," he said, grabbing Jack's hand and pressing it back against his cheek.   
  
"I won't..." Jack replied and paused. "... what?"   
  
"Don't go."   
  
Daniel brushed his cheek against the palm of Jack's hand.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere."   
  
"Good."   
  
They lay quiet, face to face on the bed. Jack's whisper was the first to break the silence.   
  
"Just say if I'm making you uncomfortable and I'll go back to my couch."   
  
"Why would you make me uncomfortable?"   
  
"Because you're making me."   
  
"How?"   
  
"Hell, I dunno... You just are."   
  
"Then I'll go," Daniel said and pushed himself up on the bed.   
  
"No, no.... Wait," Jack said grabbing him by the arm and pulling him back. "I didn't mean it like that."   
  
Daniel pressed his head down quietly on the pillow, waiting for Jack to finish the sentence. But no addition was coming and instead Jack's hand slid back on Daniel's cheek and while the thumb returned to its pleasant task, the dark eyes tried desperately to express something words were incapable of transmitting.   
  
Without giving it any more thought, Daniel leant closer and placed his hand on Jack's cheek, his thumb's movement mirroring that of Jack's. They stayed that way for a long time, or at least so it had seemed to Daniel, gently stroking each other's cheek.   
  
It could have lasted for the eternity it felt like if only Daniel had had more control over his hand, but as he was far out of the reach of this world, there was nothing preventing his fingers from pushing further into Jack's neck, getting a firm grip on his hair and pulling him inevitably in Daniel's direction.   
  
Consequently, the kiss was initiated by him, but Jack appeared to be very willing to play along, his lips brushing lightly over Daniel's, giving only a little foretaste of what the weeks after that were about to bring along.   
  
That was the beginning of what could have been something beautiful.   
  
****   
  
The sex had crept in almost unnoticed, as a natural extension of the comfort shared between them. And it had been hot, so incredibly hot.   
  
A fresh load of tears wet Daniel's face as he pictured those innumerable nights he had spent at Jack's, the clumsy inexperience of them both gradually evolving into this peculiar combination of warm tenderness and animal rage. They had been like newly-weds, doing it in every room, on all the furniture, at any time of the day. Not even the base had managed to keep its virginity, no, they had gone through every single storage room and any other place without a security camera in it, until Daniel was sure he could give a complete inventory of every item stored in the entire base.   
  
Not that he regretted any of that, far from it. Those stolen moments they had enjoyed were immortalised in his mind and nothing but death could ever erase them. But a week ago he had decided that the stock of memories had reached its point of culmination and would increase no more.   
  
This is where the irony of it all dealt its second strike. It was precisely the sex that Daniel loved so much that was the reason behind his decision.   
  
There he was, moments after having sex with the man he loved and he was crying his eyes out. Now, what was wrong with this picture?   
  
'Having sex', there's your problem right there. Since that's all it was, 'sex'. Daniel loathed the mere word, the way it comprised in one single syllable the essence of the mechanical act, its meaninglessness, its emptiness. Like Jack said, he was only a beautiful ass to him, a piece of meat to be taken whenever most convenient.   
  
Daniel had had his doubts from the beginning, that Jack was doing it out of curiosity, that he was simply drawn to the exotic, the unknown, but back then he had believed, and even long after that convinced himself, that that was also the motive behind his own actions, but the dream had had to come to an end.   
  
And this was the end.   
  
Or it should have been. If only he hadn't been so weak, it could all have actually been a dream by now, only a wonderful dream turned bad.   
  
As long as the dream had lasted he had been so happy, so at ease with everything, that not even the threat of dying on Cimmeria had managed to diminish the overwhelming feeling of being... alive. No other word to describe it. Alive. As much of a cliché as it was, Jack had given him the will to live. And for a brief moment, when Jack was hanging from the wall, pierced by the spike from the orb they had brought back from... something-something... that look, that unforgettable look he had given Daniel, and the words: 'O'Neill wishes to live'... For that flashing moment, Daniel had actually dared to hope that his feelings could someday be returned, that he was giving Jack something as well. But evidently Jack's will to live had been based on something quite different from his.   
  
The hope was dead. Daniel refused to torture himself like this any longer. He wanted to live.   
  
Taking a deep breath, he wiped the remaining tears on his sleeve.   
  
"Daniel? What are you doing here?"   
  
"Oh... Hi, Sam," Daniel said as he stood up from the floor. "Jack... he didn't need my help after all, so I..."   
  
"So, you thought you'd take a little nap instead," Sam said smiling a bit awkwardly. "But don't you think a bed might have been more comfortable?"   
  
"Oh. Yeah. Sure. Didn't think. Jet lag. You know how it is."   
  
"Yes, of course," Sam replied, remembering that Daniel had only crossed one time zone but deciding to ignore the thought. "Anyway, I forgot that I needed something, too - a new buckle for my backpack."   
  
"Over there, the second shelf."   
  
Sam gave Daniel a surprised look, which he could only return with a quick grin and a shrug of shoulders; how was she to know that he had had to pick up every one of those buckles from the floor a week earlier, after he and Jack had pushed the box over in their heat of passion.   
  
"Sure you're okay? We ship out in less than an hour."   
  
Taking a look at his watch to confirm the time himself, Daniel was startled to realise how long he had been there. He would have to hurry if he was to tell Jack his decision before the mission.   
  
"I'm fine. A little tired, that's all."   
  
He followed Sam out of the storage room and made up an excuse to get away from her. It would have to be done now. It would all stop now. The crying would stop, the hurting would stop... a full stop.   
  
****   
  
"Jack, stop! I really need to talk to you about something!"   
  
"Sorry, Daniel, don't have time for chit-chat. We have a briefing in ten minutes and I have to go change. As should you, I might add," Jack said turning to take a look at the man half-running to his side. "C'mon, let's get you into the finest Paris has to offer."   
  
The men reached the locker room and hurried to get out of their clothes. Daniel tried to resist the image of them doing this very same thing, in Jack's hallway, cursing the amount of stubborn buttons that stood in the way of two bodies aching to melt into one. How many times had it been? How many nights had he driven to Jack's house, making it his own personal pilgrimage, though not in order to gain pleasure in the afterlife but even more so in this one?   
  
Both acting like programmed robots, they put on their overalls. No words were spoken, there wasn't time for that, the movement of their bodies being the only justifiable action, or it was until Daniel rewrote the rules.   
  
Still staring at his locker, Daniel swallowed down the lump in his throat and blurted out the words he had been holding back ever since the incident in the storage room.   
  
"Jack, it's over. We can't do this anymore."   
  
"Come again?" Jack asked, raising his eyebrows and taking a quick look around the room to see if anyone else was listening.   
  
"That was the last time, there, in the storage room, it won't happen again, not ever. It's over."   
  
Daniel couldn't look at the man; one look and he would change his mind, fall back into that helpless weakness and allow Jack to push him around any way he pleased. No, this time he would have to be strong, give in no more.   
  
"What do you mean 'over'?"   
  
"Don't do this, Jack. Can't we make it easy on both of us and end this with some dignity?"   
  
"Look, I have *no* idea what you talking about, but can't this wait until after the mission?"   
  
"No, no, it really can't. And there's nothing left to wait, because it's all over. I was meaning to talk to you as soon as I got back from the trip, but then the plane was delayed and I was so tired and almost fell asleep in the cab on my way home and..."   
  
Daniel paused as he realised the meaninglessness of the words escaping his mouth.   
  
"None of that matters now," he said, trying to get a hold of himself once more. "Jack, we both know what it was, how exiting, how... casual. It was fun but all fun must come to an end. And this is it."   
  
Daniel slammed his locker door shut and walked out of the room, not wanting to let Jack see the burning in his eyes. He would not shed one single tear for him. Crying was weakness and he had just stepped over the threshold of courage.   
  
Shaking his head in disbelief, Jack held out his hand to balance himself against the wall. It couldn't have been more than an hour since he had been inside this man, celebrating his return home, and now this bomb had shattered everything, leaving nothing intact. The sky had been bright blue and suddenly Jack found himself shivering in the cold rain. No, better make that thunder, with flashes of lightning piecing right through him.   
  
Had he been too rough with Daniel? But Daniel 'liked' it rough, that much he was sure of. Pretty sure. Hell, he should have listened to what the man had been trying to tell him, but no, he was too busy satisfying his own needs to pay any attention to his lover's pleas. Fuck! At least Daniel's rejection of his offer to finish him off should have raised his suspicions. Double fuck!   
  
But where was all this coming from? Jack had thought everything was fine, they were getting closer day by day and then the man ends it all with two and a half words - it's over.   
  
Hell, it was far from over! No, he would *not* give up without a fight. The man owed him an explanation and a damn good one for that matter.   
  
Jack got back control of his arms and legs and headed for the door determined to get to the root of it all. At the Gate room door he caught up with Daniel.   
  
"Hold it! You think you can just drop a bomb like that and walk away?"   
  
"Jack, there's really nothing more to say. And even if there were, this is not the place for that conversation."   
  
"What did you mean by 'fun'? Look at me when I'm talking to you."   
  
"Let go of my arm. I meant exactly what I said and that is that it meant nothing."   
  
"Nothing, not a damn thing... Daniel..."   
  
"Let go of me! Now! I'm sick and tired of being just a great piece of ass to you, always at the colonel's disposal, whenever he might need a quickie! Well, no more, Jack. It's over!"   
  
Daniel's face reddened in a way the world had never witnessed before. The blue eyes flaming the same familiar thunder, in which Jack had already found himself caught in the locker room, Daniel yanked his arm free from Jack's grip and rushed through the door and out of his reach.   
  
Jack couldn't believe the messages coming from his senses. Those words. The Daniel he knew could never have said that, never. Who had authorised him to go and turn the tables like that?   
  
"Colonel? All set?"   
  
The voice made Jack turn towards it and give Sam a blank stare. People. There were other people, other than Daniel and him. Had anyone heard them? At least Carter didn't seem to be acting any differently and except for her the corridor appeared to be empty. Empty like him.   
  
"Yeah. Fine. Better get going. The mission awaits."   
  
It was not over. They would talk this out, later, definitely. Just had to get past the mission first. Should be a routine one; MALP had indicated no signs of life, it was yet another desert planet, sand as far as the eye could see. Jack was nodding to himself as he repeated it over and over - this was not the end. They would visit this giant sandbox, catch some rays and be home in no time. And then he would tie Daniel to a chair if that was what it took to make him listen to what he had to say. Past the mission.   
  
****   
  
Jack was the first one to see it. The heavy clouds had caught his attention a while back, but as they had seemed to linger in the horizon, he hadn't given it any more thought until suddenly realising they were almost on top of them. For a moment it looked like the sand dunes were moving, like the waves of an ocean, but these waves gave a lot more cause for concern.   
  
"Sandstorm! Everyone back to the Gate!"   
  
The team ran as fast as they could in the soft sand that seemed to be doing everything in its power to slow them down, wanting to swallow the four figures into its deadly embrace.   
  
"Daniel! Dial!" Jack yelled when they reached the Stargate.   
  
"I'm trying, I'm trying," the man answered, already standing in front of the DHD and pushing the symbols on it feverishly, but they refused to cooperate, as if in conspiracy with the sand.   
  
"It won't lock... there's sand everywhere..."   
  
"Hurry, Daniel, it's coming straight at us!"   
  
Sam was there to offer her help to Daniel with the device playing dead at the risk of their lives.   
  
"I *am* trying!"   
  
"Well, try harder!" Jack shouted, his voice only barely carrying over the noise of the wind as it kept getting stronger with every blow, gathering new strength and endless amounts of sand as it swept over the burning desert.   
  
"It appears to be approaching with great speed."   
  
"Oh, thank you, Teal'c! In case we all get killed, you'll be sure to point that out for me, won't ya?!"   
  
Jack couldn't help snapping at the Jaffa standing next to him and looking completely oblivious of the premature death for which they all seemed destined.   
  
"I got it!" Daniel screamed when the symbols finally gave way and the blue wormhole flashed open. "Sending the signal... ready!"   
  
"Run! Go-go-go!"   
  
Sam and Teal'c were the first ones to reach the Gate, the latter giving the former a shove to send her through it before turning back only to receive a furious yell from the colonel.   
  
"Go, now!"   
  
The DHD was a few yards from the Gate and the sand had its own opinion whether or not to let Daniel follow his team mates.   
  
"C'mon, Daniel! Run!"   
  
Jack was still standing in front of the Gate, waiting for the last member of his team to get through before stepping into the wormhole himself. But even the colonel had no say when the wind took control and blew him, along with a few dozen buckets of sand, right through the Gate. 


	2. Upside Down

Chapter 2: Upside Down  
  
"We need shovels! And buckets!"   
  
"Everybody out of the Gate room, now!"   
  
"Where's the medical team?!"   
  
"Hey, I really need those shovels!"   
  
"Clear the room!"   
  
"Someone help Colonel O'Neill!"   
  
"Where are the fucking shovels? I'm drowning in sand here!"   
  
"Close the iris!"   
  
"No! You can't close the iris, Daniel isn't here yet!"   
  
"Keep the Gate open!"   
  
"Is anyone going to help me out with these buckets?!"   
  
"Let the goddamn sand be and get the colonel out of there! Now!"   
  
"It's shutting down!"   
  
Jack could hear the mixture of noises around him, people running back and forth, the general's voice from the speaker demanding that the room be emptied, someone obsessing about the sand, and finally the silence, broken only by the sound of the disengaging wormhole. A pair of hands was grabbing him by the arm and lifting him up from the pile of sand on the Gate room floor.   
  
"O'Neill, are you injured?"   
  
Jack shook himself free from the Jaffa's hold and headed straight to the general, who was approaching him with an unpromising frown on his face and Sam right by his side.   
  
"We have to go back! Daniel's still there! Sir, we have to..."   
  
"Calm down, colonel, we cannot open the Gate before that sandstorm settles down," General Hammond said, trying to put as much authority into his words as he possibly could in order to keep the colonel from dialling the chevrons himself. "We will retrieve Doctor Jackson as soon as we can open the Gate without burying the whole base in sand. I'm sure he'll be fine."   
  
"Fine? There's no shelter, there's... nothing! Daniel will be buried alive if we don't get him the hell outta there!"   
  
"Colonel, I'm just as worried about Doctor Jackson as you are, believe me. But it's not in our hands."   
  
"Sir, this is Daniel we're talking about! He needs us!"   
  
"Colonel O'Neill! Don't make me repeat myself. I'm not going to risk the lives of any more men. We will wait fifteen minutes and dial J5X-112 again to see if the storm has passed."   
  
General Hammond stepped closer to Jack to place his hand on the man's shoulder, and lowering his voice he said:   
  
"All we can do is hope and pray that it's not Doctor Jackson's time yet."   
  
****   
  
Daniel tried to spit out the sand in his mouth, but only ended up swallowing more with every attempt. Knowing he would never make it to the Gate in time, he turned back and crawled on his hands and knees to the DHD and curled as close as he could against it. Giving it his every effort, he managed to zip up his jacket and pull it over his head to prevent the sand from getting into his lungs. And that was it. There was nothing else to be done.   
  
As he heard the wind draw more strength with every blow, Daniel's mind kept going around the same circle, in the centre of which lay the undeniable thought of dying. But somehow dying ceased to stand for the end of his life and instead it came to consist of the feeling of a new beginning, that the end had already passed and this was merely the next logical step on the cycle. As much as he tried to think about it, he did not feel like he was about to die. Death and end were the past and this was the new day.   
  
Daniel dug his feet deeper into the sand for support. Giving up was not an option. He felt alive; as alive as only a condemned man on temporary reprieve could feel.   
  
The sky had darkened with the arrival of the storm, but somehow Daniel started to believe that the darkness existed solely for him, that it was calling him, as if wanting to take him to places only the fortunate ones that have passed the point of no return and kept on going would be granted the right to enter. Light was escaping from him irreversibly, being torn away, leaving him alone in the dark. No light, no Jack. Was this the new beginning?   
  
****   
  
"Sir, it won't lock."   
  
"What the hell do you mean, it won't lock?! We were just there, why wouldn't it lock now?"   
  
Jack was pacing the control room floor. He had barely lived through the fifteen minutes they had had to wait until trying to open the Stargate again in order to send the MALP there to check whether or not the storm had passed. And now they were telling him it was a dead end.   
  
"Sir, the Gate must have been buried in the sand," Sam said quietly.   
  
"No, no it can't be... no, 'cos that would mean that Daniel..." Jack said slowing his steps before coming to a full stop by the wall and leaning his head against it.   
  
"It is not impossible that DanielJackson has survived."   
  
"Teal'c, I know you mean well, but how the hell do you think anyone could have survived in that storm?!" Jack yelled as he banged his head against the wall with increasing harshness. "I should've stayed with him, I never should've left him, never, ever..."   
  
"With all due respect, sir, I don't see how that could've made a difference. Instead we'd now have two missing team members."   
  
"Captain Carter has a point. I see no reason to start looking for someone to blame. We will continue dialling the address every thirty minutes. I will not have any more speculation until we're absolutely sure that planet can't be reached."   
  
General Hammond turned on his heel and left the control room, so as not to let any of his staff notice the worried wrinkles on his forehead. This was not looking good. Not good at all.   
  
****   
  
"O'Neill, what is your state of mind?"   
  
"Has been better. How long has it been now?"   
  
"Exactly three minutes longer than the last time you asked me that question."   
  
"Sorry, I'm just..."   
  
"I understand. I am equally concerned about DanielJackson."   
  
"You don't know the half of it."   
  
"Do you wish me to know?"   
  
"No. Not really."   
  
"Then I will say no more."   
  
Teal'c sat down next to Jack on the floor and like him, took a point on the opposite wall upon which to fixate his eyes.   
  
There they sat, side by side, when Sam walked in, causing a sudden wave of life in both of them.   
  
"How long has it been?" Jack was the first to ask.   
  
"Twenty minutes. They're getting ready to try again. Sir, I've been making some calculations and..."   
  
"And what?"   
  
"And Daniel's chances aren't too good. If a person gets buried in the sand, he loses consciousness in matter of minutes and if he's not uncovered, he will..."   
  
"Suffocate?"   
  
Sam could only nod as an answer to him.   
  
"Why is he doing this to me? The ultimate punishment? Well, he sure got to me, that son-of-a-bitch sure got to me..."   
  
"O'Neill, you are not being rational. I do not believe DanielJackson would have done this on purpose."   
  
"Accidentally on purpose..." Jack hissed between his teeth. "How can he do this to me? That bastard..."   
  
"Sir, maybe we should go to the control room," Sam said, trying to keep her voice calm and reassuring as she took hold of Jack's arm and gently pulled him up from the floor, and with Teal'c following right behind them, she guided the still muttering man out of the room.   
  
The colonel was truly reacting strongly to this, even more strongly than she would have thought. Of course she knew how close those two men were, but seeing Jack like this, so helpless and unbalanced, went far beyond anything she could ever have imagined. And of all the places, why had he hidden in the store room?   
  
There was something more to this, but that would have to wait. First things first, as the colonel that she knew would have said.   
  
They found the general standing in front of the control panels and the expression on his face was as bleak as Jack had feared.   
  
"Sir?"   
  
"I'm sorry, colonel. It will not lock."   
  
Jack tore his arm free and rushed out of the room. He couldn't stand this, didn't care what everyone else would think, couldn't be here, couldn't let himself give in to the idea of Daniel being... gone. No. No. No. He went half-running back to the storage room and slammed the door shut. Lights off, didn't want to see, didn't want to think. Only the dark could help.   
  
****   
  
The light came in faintly through Daniel's closed eyelids. Slowly he began the painful task of lifting them up, making a stifled shriek as he felt the burning tingling of the sand beneath them.   
  
"Here, some water, try to rinse the sand out."   
  
Still unable to see anything, Daniel felt his hands being placed into a bowl of liquid and having no alternative but to trust the female voice talking in a dialect closely parallel to the one spoken on Abydos, he obeyed the stranger's proposal.   
  
"Where... where am I?"   
  
"You're in Vun'tah. Don't you remember being sent here?"   
  
"No... I wasn't..."   
  
Hearing Daniel's voice drift away, the woman made a slight gesture with her hand and a cup was placed in it.   
  
"Drink this. You need it."   
  
Keeping to the submissive role he had taken on, Daniel emptied the cup without a word of protest or suspicion. The white liquid tasted sweet and rich, similar to goats' milk, but triumphed with an indisputable margin in the contest for the most repulsive drink in the universe. Only with difficulty did he manage to keep his nausea in control and the drink down.   
  
"Uh, my glasses...?" Daniel muttered after he had swallowed all he felt himself capable of and made two circles in the air around his eyes to illustrate his request.   
  
"You want these?" asked the woman as she solemnly held out Daniel's specs.   
  
Only now was the woman's figure beginning to take shape - slimly built, early thirties, dark hair gathered high up on the top of her head, olive skin and big, almond shaped eyes looking straight at him with a sense of wonder hidden behind them.   
  
"Thank you. I... I'm Daniel Jackson."   
  
"I am Tulia. And this here is Sinera."   
  
Blinking his eyes to focus on the figure Tulia was pointing at, Daniel could make out another woman standing behind her. Built similarly to the first one, though taller, with almost black hair and darker skin, and maybe a few years older as well, but all in all a strikingly beautiful woman.   
  
"Thank you... both... for my life."   
  
"You were lucky. Had you been in the sand much longer, we wouldn't be having this conversation."   
  
"Who would've thought that something like this should happen on our cleaning day? Just to think of how we almost didn't go at all!"   
  
The two women exchanged a warm smile.   
  
"Yes... thank you. Um... 'cleaning'?"   
  
"Yes, it was our turn to clean up the Entrance, to dig it up from the sand."   
  
"We have to do it every time a storm comes."   
  
"Otherwise it won't function properly."   
  
"Every house has it's own turn, you see."   
  
"Such amazing luck that this one was ours!"   
  
The women were talking over one another, completing each other's sentences in a way that made it obvious they had spent a considerable time together.   
  
Their jabbering gave Daniel the opportunity to take a closer look at the room. The whitewashed walls with hardly any decoration on them and high ceiling gave an impression of space though in fact the room was not all that large. Sparsely furnished as it was, the only thing occupying the empty space seemed to be the light streaming in from the uncovered windows on either side of the bed, the solitary luxury showing the apparent wealth of his hosts.   
  
"Why did you say that I was 'sent' here?"   
  
"Of course you were, we all were, originally."   
  
"You must still be a little confused after that terrible ordeal you had to go through."   
  
Daniel had lost track of which one was Tulia and which one Sinera, but it didn't appear to make any difference. Both dressed in like garments, white linen, similar to what he himself had worn on Abydos, and acting as one person, there was no reason to make any distinction between the two. And Daniel's shaky mind would never have accomplished such a demanding task.   
  
"Where were you all sent from?"   
  
"From home, where else?"   
  
"He's very confused, isn't he?"   
  
"And why were you sent here? Is this like a prison?"   
  
Daniel was putting his every effort into forming meaningful sentences, coldly ignoring the appeals of his body to close his eyes again and keep them that way for quite a while.   
  
"I don't believe we know what a 'prison' is."   
  
"A place where you put people who have broken the laws."   
  
"Oh, no, those people are not sent here, they're killed. Our laws are quite explicit."   
  
"No criminals here! My god what an idea!"   
  
"Then who do they sent here?"   
  
"Everyone has a different story, don't they?"   
  
"Yes, I and my brother Jarkof were born here, we're the old ones, our great-great-great-grandmother was among the first ones, those who built this city, but Sinera..."   
  
"My grandmother came here almost sixty cycles ago, pregnant with my father, the bastard child, her family wanted nothing to do with her, so she was sent to Vun'tah. She and my parents have been dead for many cycles."   
  
"Some even came out of their own free will, wanting to go to the Gods..."   
  
"Not that we've seen any. Not ever."   
  
"...but most were orphans or widowers or sick"   
  
"Those naturally did not survive for long in this climate."   
  
"No, especially the old ones."   
  
"But nowadays all of us have been born here."   
  
"Yes, I believe Sinera's grandmother was one of the last to be sent here, so it must have been what...?"   
  
"Almost fifty cycles, I'd say."   
  
"And no one has come here..."   
  
"Or been taken away."   
  
"...ever since."   
  
"Until you came."   
  
But Daniel was already gone to a place where no sounds could interrupt his rest, where there were no babbling women and most importantly, no sand.   
  
****   
  
"That was only the third time. We'll keep on trying," Sam whispered to the colonel, not wanting to disturb the silent shelter he seemed to have built around him. "Daniel's alive, I know he is. And we will get him back."   
  
"It's over. All fun must come to an end. And this is it."   
  
"Sir... are you alright?"   
  
"It's over. It was over before we stepped on that cursed planet!"   
  
All Sam could do was stare at her team leader. Something was wrong and it was not entirely due to Daniel's disappearance. She would have to get Jack to see Doctor Fraiser to calm him down. They were actually losing two men, instead of one.   
  
But it couldn't have been clearer in Jack's mind. Daniel had left him. For good.   
  
He refused to think that the man was dead. How could he have been? Jack was still able to sense the scent of his hair, even the taste of his skin; Daniel was very much alive to him. No matter what had happened to his earthly body, the image of him was still there, painfully vivid in Jack's mind. And yet he had left him, first emotionally and as the final nail to the coffin, also physically, as if to deliberately underline the irrevocability of his choice. Since what was death but leaving, going away for an infinite amount of time; the affect knew no difference. But Daniel had combined these two, added dying to leaving and constructed this excruciating wheel onto which Jack felt he had been tied, forced to listen to his bones being broken as the wheel turned slowly but irreversibly. It was a construction built on destruction.   
  
Yet the reasons behind Daniel's choice were buried deeper than any sandstorm could ever achieve. Those words he had screamed into Jack's face kept ringing in his ears, evolving into his own private tinnitus that had only a limited vocabulary to be repeated over and over again.   
  
As far as Jack's mind was able to comprehend in all its confusion, there could only be two options for why Daniel had ended it. Either he had truly had his fun and left the party before the inevitable downhill, or Jack had done something to upset him, hurt him on a level still unknown to himself. Since hope undoubtedly is the cruellest of all companions and makes people see things invisible to the eye of an outsider, Jack seized the latter with every drop of his optimistic power, rationalising that if he had done something to cause this, then he could very well also undo it. This option left him the desperately wanted chance to have control over the situation, the hope of making it better.   
  
So, he had hurt Daniel - how? He had been too rough with him, that much was evident, but it couldn't have been the whole of it. What did this man want from him? Jack had given Daniel everything imaginable, and would have been quite willing to go even beyond the limits of the physical world - if he just could have taken Daniel's place on that freaking planet... No amount of sand swallowed down the throat could have tasted worse than the words which Daniel had uttered to him only hours before; the words on which Jack had nearly choked.   
  
As if out of spite, Daniel had left no clues behind, no paths leading to an explanation of any kind. He had truly managed to pull the ultimate trick and disappear for good, leaving only the voice in Jack's head, the scent, the taste. The absolute master in the great art of being present and gone at the same time.   
  
Jack had never hated him as much as he did that very minute.   
  
****   
  
The dreamless sleep started to give in, the black nothingness around him being replaced by white light, the wind on his skin by linen sheets, the voice of silence by the two familiar female ones.   
  
"He's surely a fighter. Not many would have made it."   
  
"He will make an excellent father one day."   
  
"What luck that we happened to find him. You haven't told anyone, have you, Sinera?"   
  
"Most certainly not! I should know what happens to the new ones."   
  
"I'm sorry, dear, I keep forgetting your background. But we cannot let anyone see him. This has to be kept in the strictest secrecy or we will lose him."   
  
"You can rely on me. You know I don't entirely approve of what you're doing, but I would never betray your trust."   
  
"I know, my dear, I know."   
  
"Look, Tulia, I think he's coming to! Pull the sheet back up!"   
  
Daniel was reluctant to open his eyes, although he knew that the blissful state of non-existence had already escaped beyond his reach and he would have to make his comeback to the world of the living. Leaning on his arms, he pushed himself to sit up on the bed.   
  
"Careful, you've lost a lot of strength."   
  
"Tulia, right?"   
  
From the warm smile Daniel concluded he had made the right choice.   
  
"What happens to the new ones?"   
  
The women exchanged a quick glance before Tulia answered him hesitantly.   
  
"All the new ones are destined to work as servants to the old ones."   
  
"Old ones?"   
  
"Those who descend from the first ones."   
  
"So, you're... a slave," Daniel said, turning towards Sinera.   
  
"I was. Not any more, thanks to Tulia."   
  
"I took her into my household. I am a sixth generation resident of Vun'tah."   
  
The pride with which Tulia pronounced those words was obvious enough.   
  
"So, one is able to rise from being a slave to owning a house?" Daniel asked, trying hard to stay focused.   
  
"Well, it is known to happen, but only seldom."   
  
"Yes, very seldom, indeed."   
  
"There are only fifty-five houses at the moment. Or is that fifty-six?"   
  
"I do believe it's fifty-six, now that young Mesnel has started his own house."   
  
"Of course, how could I forget him. Yes, that makes fifty-six."   
  
"It took an awful lot of manpower away from the fields. Dragging those stones all the way over here, I mean."   
  
"Yes, I wonder whether it was absolutely necessary for Mesnel to have a house of his own. But it doesn't concern me, now, does it. So, fifty-six, it is, then."   
  
"And the slaves, but who knows how many there are of those."   
  
"No, there's no telling of their number."   
  
"But it does seem to be growing, and it should, as no new ones have come through for such a long time."   
  
"Yes, there is no danger of there being too many of them, since the surplus won't live long."   
  
"It's a perfect equilibrium."   
  
"Excuse me..." Daniel cut in, worried that the conversation could go on for quite a while without stopping to miss his input. "Why am I naked?"   
  
He was embarrassed to admit that he hadn't noticed the absent clothing until now; even the most basic observations had been too much for his tired mind.   
  
"Your... 'clothes' - or whatever you wish to call them - were in pretty bad shape when we found you. You, uh... cannot wear them anymore."   
  
"Then, could I please have something else instead?"   
  
"Um, we'll see about that, yes, I'm sure we can work something out..."   
  
"I really need something to wear." Daniel was getting nervous, seeing the reluctance of the women to venture any further with the topic. "I have to get back to the Gate, uh... the... the Entrance."   
  
There was an hesitant silence before one of the women, presumably Tulia, cleared her throat and formed the obviously thought-through answer.   
  
"No."   
  
"No?"   
  
"No. I am deeply sorry."   
  
"Why?" Daniel asked, with a mixture of curious wonder and growing worry in his voice.   
  
"No one can leave. Many have, oh yes, but no one has returned."   
  
"You don't understand, I know how to use the Gate!" he exclaimed, his eyes widening and his hands swinging in the air to accentuate the point he was trying to make.   
  
"So did they. Remember Raimon, Sinera?"   
  
"How could I forget? He kept talking about leaving for so long and no one believed him, not until..."   
  
"So, so sad."   
  
"They dialled at random, right?" Daniel cut in. "But I *know* the address!"   
  
"The 'address'? You mean the symbols? For Home?"   
  
"No, not 'home'..." he stuttered. "Well, not *yours*, but..."   
  
"No one can know the right symbols for Home! It is simply impossible, you see, as one of them is missing."   
  
"You are still weak, better not trouble your mind with such fantasies."   
  
"It's not a fantasy! Look," Daniel tried to calm down so as to make a more reliable statement to these two sceptics, "I wasn't sent here, I came through the Gate, the Entrance, with my friends. We're explorers, volunteers, we weren't sent."   
  
"No one else was found by the Entrance but you."   
  
"Perhaps it was only a dream. They can be very vivid sometimes."   
  
The patronising attitude the women had taken to him was causing Daniel's blood to approach its boiling point.   
  
"No! It wasn't a dream!" he cried out, but with a sigh, he managed to pull himself back together. "The missing symbol is the one for... Home, you don't need it to go to... Home."   
  
Taking the time to let his words sink in and hopefully become rational also to himself, Daniel took a deep breath before laying more facts in front of the women.   
  
"I have to go back. There are people who are worried about me and if I don't go back, they will come here and someone might get hurt. Now, can you please take me to the Gate?"   
  
"No. It is not possible."   
  
"Is this your way of expressing your gratitude for saving your life?"   
  
The women were talking over one another again.   
  
"No, of course I appreciate that, very much so, but you have to help me get back, you have to..."   
  
Daniel wasn't sure whether to appeal to their sense of pity or to threaten them with the dark scenarios of his possibly violent rescue. But neither of them was bound to have any effect. The women were determined.   
  
"We cannot let you go. For a number of reasons."   
  
"Name one!"   
  
"The Entrance isn't even cleaned yet. I only sent the servants there a little while ago."   
  
"You mean, you didn't clean it up earlier?" Daniel asked, knowing that his rescue team, if there was one, wouldn't be able to get through before the sand had been removed.   
  
"No, we had our hands full saving your life."   
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful..."   
  
Daniel's gaze moved restlessly from one woman to the other in search of compassion, but the matter seemed to be of no importance to either of them.   
  
"You must be hungry. Sinera, come with me. We will go and get him something to eat. That will calm him down."   
  
"No, I don't want food!"   
  
But his words were not heard. He was already alone in the room.   
  
****   
  
"Sir, it's open!"   
  
"Wha-?"   
  
"The Gate, it's open!"   
  
That was all Jack needed to storm out of his hiding place and head straight for the Gate room with Carter at his heels. The corridors felt like a never-ending torment, existing only to prolong his pain and take sadistic pleasure in watching him sweat and squirm in the crossfire of hope and fear.   
  
In the Gate room they found General Hammond, already waiting with full set of gear.   
  
"Everything's ready for you. We got back the results from the probe and it's all clear. The three of you will go first and SG-3 will follow right behind. Captain Carter has the metal detector."   
  
"The metal detector?"   
  
"You will need it to locate Doctor Jackson if he's been buried under the sand."   
  
Jack nodded, fighting away the shiver caused by the thought of Daniel taking his last breath before running out of air.   
  
"Teal'c! Where the hell's Teal'c?"   
  
"I am here, O'Neill," the low voice answered behind Jack's back.   
  
"Okay, we're burning day-light here, move it, move it!"   
  
"Colonel," General Hammond called after him. "You bring our boy back to us."   
  
"I won't come back without him, sir."   
  
It was not so much the words themselves as it was the look on Jack's face that nearly made the general abort the mission, but for reasons unknown even to himself, he said nothing and watched the three figures disappear into the wormhole.   
  
****   
  
Daniel had two choices. He could either stay in the room like a good little puppy or do what he was really expected to do - escape. There was no door to the room, no locks keeping him there. He could use the sheet to cover himself and flee... where? He had no idea which way the Gate was and had no one to ask for directions.   
  
He was trapped.   
  
Wrapping his arms around his knees, he started rocking himself for comfort. What he wouldn't have given to have Jack here with him, be in his arms, feel his warmth, feel safe. It was painful to realise how much he missed the man, with whom he had only hours ago broken up. Why had he done it? What had gotten into him? He could have just as easily let things be as they were, keep his feelings to himself and be Jack's very own boy-toy until the man would get bored of him. What difference did make, as long as he could be near him?   
  
That was when Daniel decided that he would have to get back, and not just get back to earth, but would have to get Jack to *take* him back, would have to. Daniel was ready to do anything to please him, whatever it would take to convince Jack to forgive him. Maybe if he let Jack tie him up again, hands behind his back, face down and his behind right on the edge of Jack's kitchen table. Daniel knew he loved that, loved being in control, slapping Daniel's buttocks with his hand, making him scream and beg for more, and he loved fucking his brains out, grabbing Daniel by the hair and pulling his head back as he rode him up to the edge, pushed him over and followed right behind to share the adrenaline rush of the free fall. And Daniel loved it too. He loved the man. He would do anything.   
  
'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' Daniel screamed inwards, as he banged his sides with his fists. When would he grow up?! In what kind of dream world was he living to think that there was only one 'right' pattern of relationship? This was what grown-ups did, they had 'sex', they didn't always find love and dance on rose pedals and live happily ever after! Jack had wanted him, it had been *real*. And he had thrown it all away.   
  
****   
  
It was as if they had never left. The sand dunes were still there, without doubt much changed, but not in a way detectable to the human eye.   
  
"Sir, where did you last see Daniel?"   
  
Jack walked the few yards - those few, measly yards - to the DHD.   
  
"Here. He stumbled and fell on his face."   
  
"The wind is still pretty strong," Sam said, standing next to him. "Any footprints would have been wiped away instantly by it."   
  
"There does not appear to be enough sand," Teal'c stated with his usual emotionless tone of voice.   
  
"Not *enough*? This whole place's like the freaking Sahara!"   
  
"There is not as much sand as one would expect after so powerful a storm."   
  
"Sir, Teal'c's right," Sam confirmed. "The DHD should've been buried deeper and if the malfunction of the Gate was caused by the sand, then why isn't there any on the platform?"   
  
Now Jack's gaze was also sweeping over the place and the point of Carter's remark was starting to become clear to him. But as he was just about to say something, the Gate flashed open behind them and SG-3 appeared from the blue wormhole.   
  
"Carter, you and Colonel Makepeace take the metal detectors and scan this whole area, especially around the DHD. And Teal'c... Teal'c?"   
  
"Here, O'Neill. I believe you should see this."   
  
"What?"   
  
Jack ran to the Jaffa to see what he was seeing. There was a small amount of dark matter on the ground.   
  
"Is that...?"   
  
"I believe it is."   
  
"Oh, shit... Carter!"   
  
"What is it, sir?"   
  
"You tell me."   
  
"Well, it's fresh. That's a good sign, right?"   
  
"Depends how close you're looking at it."   
  
"Colonel, this could mean that..."   
  
"I know what it could mean, thank you, captain. And I also know that it might not mean a goddamn thing!"   
  
"We must not allow ourselves to cease hoping."   
  
"Sir?" Sam called out a little further away. "I think there's more over here."   
  
"I am not familiar with the animal in question, O'Neill."   
  
"Well, it's big. And probably ugly. They always are."   
  
"This particular animal appears to be suffering from accelerated intestinal activity."   
  
"We call it diarrhoea, Teal'c," Sam said, returning to the two men and brushing her right foot vigorously into the sand. "The wind has wiped away all other prints and you can barely see these - unless you happen to step on them."   
  
"Colonel Makepeace, you go ahead with the search!" Jack shouted out to the leader of SG-3. "We're going to check out this... shit."   
  
Leaving SG-3 by the Stargate, the three began to follow the broken string of droppings.   
  
****   
  
The view from the window gave Daniel's brains a badly needed stimulant. The room was on the second floor and since there were only two other buildings rising above the ground, he had a good look over the whole of Vun'tah.   
  
In the light of the setting sun Daniel watched the people walk down the street, the only street, as it seemed, cats chasing chickens and children laughing at the sight, and for a moment he was sure he was back on Abydos again, that any time now Sha're would appear from behind the corner and wave at him in her cheerful manner. But the thought slipped on by and Daniel started noticing the obvious contrasts. Vun'tah was considerably poorer than Abydos and it showed.   
  
All life seemed to be concentrated around the little square, in the centre of which lay the most precious property a people living in the desert could have - the well. The stream of people carrying water went past the stone-built city and even past the cluster of poorly constructed brick huts and tents, where the slaves presumably lived, and in the distance Daniel could make out the fields at the foot of the cliffs, now dry and in need of irrigation and most likely quite barren even if the water were to penetrate the vast expanses.   
  
But there was another stream, veering off the one going to the fields, and at the end of it Daniel saw only dark figures, moving slowly back and forth. Cattle. But not cows, bigger and yet... Then he realised that those were the same animals he had seen everywhere in the city, probably kept as livestock as well as drought animals. They were something entirely new to him, as if someone had taken a horse, a donkey and a dromedary and thrown them in a blender. Though these were definitely able to reproduce, unlike their earth relative, the mule, judging by the young ones following after their mothers.   
  
Tulia had talked about being a sixth generation resident in Vun'tah, but considering that oral tradition was known to carry only as far back as five generations with any reliability, her roots could well reach much deeper than that. And by the fact that civilisations using stone as a building material took centuries to evolve, although these people had most likely had the technology already at hand when coming here, it would still be safe to assume that Vun'tah had existed perhaps twice as long. So, not forgetting the short life expectancy these people most definitely had, that could, nonetheless, amount to as much as three or four hundred years, or even more.   
  
Wrapped in one of the sheets from the bed, Daniel was still standing by the window when suddenly startled by a sound, as the cloth covering the doorway was pulled aside. In came Tulia and Sinera, but this time they had company.   
  
"Get away from the window!"   
  
"What?" Daniel asked startled by her tone of voice.   
  
"You mustn't let anyone see you! Get away from there!"   
  
Tulia hurried to pull the curtain in front of the open window.   
  
"You don't want to be sent to work in the fields, do you?"   
  
"No, but I..."   
  
"No, buts. No one outside this house knows you're here and I wish to keep it that way."   
  
"Sorry."   
  
For some reason, Daniel found himself apologising to these women yet again, though well aware that things ought to have been quite the other way around.   
  
"It is for your own protection," Sinera stepped in. "It is nearly the end of dry season and when harvest time comes, all available manpower will be needed. And after that come the rains and the work in the mines begins."   
  
"Uh, then, thank you," Daniel said, once more swallowing the patronising tone of the women, not wanting to make his hosts think he didn't appreciate his special treatment. "Um... about my clothes..?"   
  
"Yes, here." Tulia pointed to the third person that had entered with them. "Help the man get dressed."   
  
The girl, probably not more than ten years old and clearly a house servant judging by her tidy appearance, approached him hesitatingly, not once letting her gaze rise above his ankles. In her hands she carried a piece of white linen, evidently the only known garment in Vun'tah. Daniel wasn't sure whether to wait for the women to leave before putting it on, but since no one showed any signs of movement, he resigned himself to turning around and letting the sheet drop to the floor. But he was in for a surprise as he unfolded the linen.   
  
"W-what is this?"   
  
"You asked to have something to wear, this is it."   
  
"But a loincloth?! Why can't I have that same long tunic everyone else here seems to be wearing?"   
  
Receiving no answer, Daniel kept staring at the piece of linen, the very small piece of linen, in his hands.   
  
"And how am I supposed to wear this?"   
  
The servant girl was already on her knees and tying the loincloth around Daniel's waist.   
  
"Thank you... I think," Daniel said, leaning down to help her up and still not succeeding in making eye contact.   
  
"Fits you perfectly," Tulia said smilingly and received an approving nod from Sinera at her side.   
  
"It's, um... a bit draughty," Daniel muttered, although conscious of the fact that all his complaints were doomed to be entirely futile.   
  
"I'm afraid we owe you more than one explanation," Tulia started hesitatingly, "but all in due time. Now, we brought you something to eat, you must be simply starving."   
  
"No, really, I don't have time for that, I have to get back to the Entrance at once!"   
  
Daniel was pleading with the women again, trying to make them see the importance of his request.   
  
"Do sit down," Tulia went on, completely ignoring Daniel's words. "Sinera, would you be kind enough to bring the table a little closer?"   
  
"I am sorry we don't have more to offer you, but the first crop was a bit of a disappointment and so food is scarce. Or isn't it always," Sinera sighed as she lifted the small, round table next to the bed and stepped back to let the servant carry the tray with bread and a pitcher on it.   
  
Daniel didn't resist anymore. As reluctant as he was to admit it, he was actually quite hungry and even ready to give the strange animal's milk a second chance.   
  
****   
  
"This planet must belong to a globular star cluster, that would explain all those little suns. It probably won't get much darker than this even in the night time," Sam said, talking more to herself than anyone else, as she knew at least the colonel had no intention of listening.   
  
"I have not seen this many suns before," Teal'c replied next to her.   
  
"Yes, Earth and Chulak both belong to looser groups of stars than this planet and even Abydos was only part of a binary solar system. Whereas our second closest star is four light-years away, in a globular cluster there can be as many as a thousand stars within the same distance. It's truly an amazing sight."   
  
And even Jack had to admit that it was. The sky over them was lit by dozens of stars, leaving the planets in their shade and only being distinguishable from the moons by their size - quite the opposite as back on earth. It was as if someone had gone and turned on every single street light in the universe, creating this eerie atmosphere, where one couldn't actually be sure whether it was night or day. Or a dream.   
  
"It's... nice," Jack said quietly.   
  
"Sir, you know there's no guarantee that this animal has anything to do with Daniel."   
  
"I know, captain. Believe me, I know."   
  
"Will we proceed, O'Neill?"   
  
Jack didn't answer, but he didn't stop either.   
  
They had been walking for over an hour and though the sand seemed to be running out the further they got, nothing else was there to break the bareness of the land. And with the justly hated sand had also disappeared the animal droppings they had been following, the cathartic creature having evidently spilled its guts out, so to speak, to the last drop. Worn-out and tired, the world started to look even more bizarre in the eyes of the three. Who knows, maybe it was a dream after all.   
  
And if it was, the time to awaken had come.   
  
"Sir! Look!"   
  
The city had appeared seemingly from nowhere, over one ridge and there it all was, the whitewashed stones of the houses glowing in the light of the stars.   
  
"O'Neill, what action should we take?"   
  
"Well, we can't ride in like the cavalry... assuming Daniel is there."   
  
Jack wasn't sure whether to let his hope take over or maintain his cautious and setback-proof mode of thinking. The hope and the possible disappointment seemed to reinforce his already strong sense of responsibility, therefore Jack decided to go with that. He deserved all the pain imaginable.   
  
"So, we'll go peacefully," Sam stated their plan as the colonel remained silent. "Sir? Are we going to go get Daniel home or not?"   
  
"Yes." The giant lump in Jack's throat didn't go down easily. "We are going to get him home."   
  
Trying to stand behind his self-made optimism, Jack started to make his way down the ridge and to the city.   
  
They had barely even reached the first huts, when shouts filled the air and the town appeared to come to life. People were running back and forth, curiosity drawing them all towards the spectacle, though only the children having enough courage to come closer and get a good look of the newcomers.   
  
"Teal'c, you getting any of what they're saying?"   
  
"Yes, the language is very similar to the one spoken on Abydos and many other Goa'uld worlds."   
  
"So-o...?"   
  
"I believe they are referring to us as the 'new ones' that have come through the Entrance."   
  
"The Entrance?" Sam said as they walked further, past the huts and tents and towards the glowing stone houses. "That must be the Stargate."   
  
"Ya think?"   
  
"I think so also, O'Neill."   
  
"Well, thank you. What a pair of linguists the world is losing in you two!"   
  
Jack's remark was swallowed by the radio and Colonel Makepeace's voice. With the same mixture of hoping for the best while expecting the worst he reached for the walkie-talkie.   
  
"SG-1, do you read me?"   
  
"Yes, *very* loud and clear," Jack responded, seeing the reaction of their audience to the device. "What's up?"   
  
"We've found something."   
  
Jack's breathing was cut off, taking his heartbeat with it, only to be restored when Colonel Makepeace continued.   
  
"We found Doctor Jackson's backpack. It was pretty far from the Gate, the wind must have caught it."   
  
The air was released from the colonel's lungs.   
  
"Anything else?"   
  
"No, sir. Do you want us to keep digging?"   
  
Jack hesitated for a moment. But in the end the answer was self-evident.   
  
"Yes. Go through every inch within, say, fifty yards from the Gate."   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
"We found some people over here," Jack continued. "A real metropolis that we need to check out. Better report that to the SGC. Captain Carter will give you our location - more or less - in case we need your help."   
  
Handing the radio over to Sam, he walked, with Teal'c by his side, to the opening around the well.   
  
"Ah, and here comes our welcoming committee. What, no red carpet?"   
  
They were approached by a group of people, men and women, with a combination of surprise and delight written on their faces.   
  
"Sir?" Sam's voice came from behind them.   
  
"Just take it easy, captain," Jack said calmly, yet at the same time reaching for his own gun. "We come in peace, remember. So, now all we gotta do is get them to take us to their leader..."   
  
"They do not appear to be hostile," Teal'c noted and greeted the man that had come closest to them.   
  
"Welcome, new ones!" the man said with a warm smile on his face.   
  
"...and I think we have the winner, ladies and gentlemen," Jack said as he returned the cheerful grin.   
  
"It has been quite some time since the last ones came - welcome!" the man went on, his smile, if possible, even brightening. "I am Ghala, the oldest one of all."   
  
Jack couldn't possibly have cared less about the age of this man or the ratio of visits he received. Coldly skipping all introductions, he cut straight to the point.   
  
"Look, we're trying to find our friend, blond, about yea high and full of weird theories - haven't seen him by any chance, have ya?"   
  
Ghala looked baffled when hearing Teal'c's translation of the stranger's words. This was not what he had expected from the new ones.   
  
"No, no... you are the first to have come here for many cycles, many cycles."   
  
"You are certain there is not one called Daniel among you?" Teal'c asked.   
  
"Yes, quite certain," Ghala answered and added: "You are the servant of the Gods, are you not? Oh, my, what an honour it is to have you escort the new ones personally, truly an honour."   
  
As the man fell on his knees to the ground, Teal'c raised his eyebrow and turned to Jack.   
  
"One more Goa'uld infested planet it is, then," the colonel replied to him, grimacing. "Better keep your weapons at hand, kids."   
  
"Have you come to take any of us away?" Ghala asked, stopping his kneeling exercise and directing the question solely to Teal'c.   
  
"No, I have not," Teal'c replied plainly.   
  
"Oh, I see, you are only here to bring us the new ones," Ghala said with a touch of disappointment in his voice, but then another idea entered his mind and his face brightening up again, he gestured for the three to follow him into one of the houses. "Please, this way."   
  
"Sir, we'd better go with him," Sam said to Jack, seeing the hesitation written all over his face. "If there's a reason they're hiding Daniel from us, we need to do everything to gain their trust."   
  
"I agree with CaptainCarter," Teal'c confirmed. "We must first try to make more inquires in a peaceful manner and resort to force only as a secondary option."   
  
"Yeah, yeah... " Jack nodded to acknowledge the point the two were making. "Let's hear what this old geezer has to say."   
  
All he could think about was that if one hair, one single hair on Daniel's head had been touched, someone was guaranteed to pay high price for it. One hair.   
  
****   
  
"There are more new ones in the city, Tulia."   
  
"What? Are you sure? Of course you're sure. Does this have anything to do with Daniel?"   
  
"I'm afraid so. Jarkof just returned from the square. The new ones were asking after him. And that is not all - there is a Jaffa with them."   
  
"The gods... have they come for...?"   
  
"I don't believe they have. There was only one Jaffa and I heard he told Ghala he was not here to take any of us away."   
  
"But why...?" Tulia looked confused. "Have the gods returned to Home after all these years?"   
  
"No, the new ones speak differently. Only the Jaffa speaks our language," Sinera said shaking her head. "I don't think they are from Home."   
  
"But Daniel speaks understandably. Not purely, but it can be a difference in dialect, can't it?"   
  
"I'm afraid this is more complicated than we thought," Sinera said, shaking her head. "It was even suggested that maybe they aren't from Home at all and come from where the gods themselves live, and the Jaffa, who brought them, is here to ascertain that we continue to obey the rules of the gods. Or that is what the people are saying; I do not know what to believe."   
  
"So, he was telling us the truth after all!" Tulia exclaimed. "He wasn't sent and he didn't come alone, either. But why would the gods do that? Shouldn't they be taking us there instead of bringing them here? I do not understand..."   
  
"Neither do I, Tulia-dear, but they are looking for him and inevitably they will find him."   
  
"Oh, Sinera, what are we to do? They can't find him, they can't, or we'll all have to face the consequences!"   
  
"We will think of something, rest assured, my love. We will tell them nothing and they will believe he has died in the desert."   
  
"I cannot lose him, I need him." Tulia had started shaking. "I cannot go there, I cannot let them see me, for I am certain I would give myself away the moment I saw them. Oh, and what Ghala would do if he were to find out..."   
  
"We mustn't even think of that. Calm down, Tulia-dear, I am here for you."   
  
"My darling Sinera, what would I ever do without you?"   
  
****   
  
They were led to a large room, most likely the only one of that size in the modest house. Servants were running here and there, carrying pitchers and trays, arranging seats for them.   
  
"They sure do cut back on the electric bill," Jack commented as no lighting whatsoever was offered by their hosts.   
  
"Wood must be scarce here in the desert and the nights aren't that dark because of the stars," Sam replied to him. "I think the o   
  
nly fuel is the same thing that lead us here. Dried, of course." The last being added after she saw the questioning look on Jack's face.   
  
Silence fell instantly as the old man stood up with a cup of liquid in his hand.   
  
"Once more, I wish you welcome to Vun'tah," he said and raised his cup as a toast to the three. "We have waited a long time for new ones to come and your input is truly appreciated here. I myself and my sister Elila will be happy to tell you everything you need to know about your new home and its customs. And as for our distinguished guest," he continued, turning towards Teal'c, "I will personally make sure that you will be supplied with every piece of information you wish to obtain about our little town."   
  
Teal'c tilted his head as sign of not having the faintest idea why the man thought he would be interested in gathering any information about this strange group of people, but as no more clues were handed out, he thought it best to reply their host with a simple nod.   
  
Ghala put down the cup and headed straight to Jack, starting to go through the list of rules by explaining with great detail that he was to have only one bath a week, two if absolutely necessary, while making sure the Jaffa would get as polished a picture of Vun'tah as possible.   
  
A woman had risen from her seat next to Ghala and approached Sam, gesturing for her to follow.   
  
"This woman appears to wish to share a walk with you, CaptainCarter."   
  
"Thanks, Teal'c, that much was clear to me," Sam said slowly, hesitating between the choices she had. "You go join the colonel. He looks like he could need your help."   
  
"You will be well on your own?"   
  
"Yes, Teal'c, I'm a trained hand-signaller," Sam said and smiled weakly. "And Teal'c, don't let the colonel do anything stupid."   
  
"ColonelO'Neill is not known to be stupid."   
  
"Stupid is what stupid does..."   
  
Teal'c's eyebrow rose telling her the proverb had not and probably would not be understood.   
  
"Oh, never mind. Just don't leave him alone. He's taking Daniel's disappearance pretty hard."   
  
"I have strong feelings about the situation also and I am not about to become stupid."   
  
"I know, Teal'c, but *he* might." Sam smiled meaningfully. "Now, go on, I'll be fine."   
  
****   
  
Daniel had been half-asleep when the curtain was pulled aside again and three people entered the room. But this time one of them was a man.   
  
"I'd like you to meet someone," Tulia said and held out her hand to the man in their company.   
  
"Uh, your husband, right? Hello, I'm Daniel Jackson."   
  
"A husband?"   
  
"Your husband, your mate," Daniel tried to explain the earth term.   
  
The laughter of all three came as a complete surprise to him.   
  
"This is my *brother*, Jarkof. Only partners of the same sex are allowed, nothing else."   
  
"You mean..."   
  
"Sinera is my partner, or 'mate' as you would call her."   
  
All three were still looking at him with a strange grin on their lips; it had been so long since anyone had even mentioned the possibility of men and women forming couples.   
  
"Naturally, he's not aware of our customs, that is precisely why he's so valuable to us."   
  
The words managed to slide past Daniel's ears, as he was hurrying to organise the data about this culture in his head. Judging by what he had seen from the window, the land was obviously barren and the oasis, around which the whole settlement seemed to have developed, was their main life line, most likely the only source of water. Under these conditions the people were bound to come up with some means of regulating the size of the population and this ban on what his own culture would term 'normal' relationships, was evidently their way of coping in the rough climate.   
  
"But how... I mean, I saw children in the street, but how can that be, if...?"   
  
"Naturally we have children, but no more than two for each woman."   
  
"The father supplies the mother with his substance, which she will insert into her body."   
  
"If the result is a boy, he will be raised by his father..."   
  
"...and if a girl, then by the mother."   
  
"But how is it possible for you," Daniel asked, looking at Tulia, "to live with your brother? Shouldn't you be in your mothers house and he..."   
  
"I did live there, but after she died, the house simply wasn't big enough for my sister and myself," Tulia replied with a tone that left no doubt that she was not talking in terms of physical space. "Jarkof and I share the same father, so I was allowed to move in here."   
  
"It is not usually looked kindly upon," Sinera continued the thought, "but exceptions are made when needed. After all, Ghala himself lives with his sister, although that is a more complicated matter altogether."   
  
"Yes, it is Elila's house and it is her descent that goes the furthest back, but somehow Ghala has succeeded in taking over the leadership."   
  
"There was some nasty talk about the true nature of their relationship."   
  
"And the fatherhood of her sons."   
  
"But it is not our place to pass judgements."   
  
"You are absolutely right, Sinera darling. And after all, the rules are broken by the slaves repeatedly."   
  
Daniel was left speechless and no one seemed to mind - the women's rattle went on undisturbed in any case, and the new man looked more interested in something else. Jarkof had seated himself on the edge of Daniel's bed and was leaning in closer to him.   
  
"Uh... it's nice to meet you," Daniel tried and forced a smile out of himself.   
  
As Jarkof returned the smile, Daniel was already caught in his spell. His hair was shining black, slightly curled and reaching his beautifully constructed jaw-line. Daniel could see the outline of the slender muscles underneath his linen tunic and robe as he raised his arm to touch Daniel's cheek. Those hands had never worked outdoors and the lightness of the touch was in itself an adequate proof of that. The man was bound to turn heads wherever he went. But he wasn't going anywhere. He looked perfectly content right where he was.   
  
"Your eyes truly are as blue as they keep telling me," the man said, locking Daniel's eyes into his. "I never would have believed if I hadn't seen them myself. I'm glad I did."   
  
Daniel had no idea what to say, returning the compliment being quite out of the question.   
  
"I know all this must be quite awkward for you, but you will learn to live in our way," Jarkof tried to reassure him. "And you will find it a good way."   
  
His hand had slid onto Daniel's and the touch was causing some unexpected reactions in Daniel's body. How was it possible to detest and desire this beautiful man at the same time?   
  
"Maybe, you'd like to pay me a visit later tonight..." Jarkof continued, reading only half of the signals Daniel's guilty conscience was sending out.   
  
"Uh, I have no intention of staying here," Daniel said desperately, wanting to lose the feeling this man was creating in him. "I have to get back to my world... now!"   
  
"I would be very sorry to see you leave. I believe your input would be much appreciated."   
  
"You mean manpower?"   
  
"And blood," Jarkof specified. "There are too many malformed babies born here, the blood is getting bad. Tulia has already had one unborn baby and two that never reached their sixth cycle."   
  
Daniel gave the woman in question a quick glance, then stopped on Sinera.   
  
"What about you? Do you...?"   
  
"Oh, yes. I have two lovely daughters, both working here in this house," Sinera answered with apparent pride. "In fact, you have already met my eldest."   
  
Daniel nodded, his mind running aimlessly around, trying to organise this load of unexpected information he had just had the questionable privilege to receive. The system of having to choose the mother or father of your child from only fifty or so houses, with probably two to four people living in them, was quite a simple case of a self-destructing society. This strange combination of tracing descent separately in the female as well as the male line was fascinating in itself, and the multitude of inheritable diseases and malformations was quite characteristic for these types of closed communities. Surely, they would do anything in their power to prevent the new blood from escaping out of their reach.   
  
"I understand this is of great importance to you," Daniel tried to return to the subject of leaving, "but I really must get back to the Entrance."   
  
"I told you already, that is impossible," Tulia replied firmly from across the room.   
  
"Why? Why can't you just let me go? What do you care if I go through the Entrance and die?"   
  
"We cannot let you go, because we need you."   
  
"What difference would one man make if your entire people is dying out? Turning me into a breeder won't solve the problem!"   
  
"We will do no such thing!" Sinera exclaimed clearly offended. "Naturally, we wish you to have children with our women, but we do not treat people like cattle!"   
  
"You are needed for other purposes," Tulia added more calmly next to her.   
  
"For... what exactly?"   
  
****   
  
Elila led Sam out of the house and into a small garden where the multitude of various herbs filled one of her senses leaving the rest in its shadow. Though not having the slightest idea of what the woman was saying, Sam got through to her well enough to exchange their names and then began the frustrating task of repeating Daniel's name to her, so as to see whether she had heard it before.   
  
But her efforts proved of no use. Elila seemed more interested in Sam's hair than anything else and knowing how extraordinary it must have looked to the brown eyes, accustomed solely to different shades of black, she let the woman to continue with her exploration.   
  
Tired as she was after the long walk, Sam was pleased to find a large stone bench in the corner of the garden on which to sit and rest her aching feet. Elila followed her lead and still saying things her companion was unable to understand, she refused to let go of the blond stranger, her fingertips moving cautiously on Sam's hair, accidentally touching her face and then getting lost in her hair again.   
  
Sam wasn't sure whether it was such a good idea to let the woman have that much freedom with her hair, but understanding her keen interest in it, she shrugged her shoulders and decided to enjoy the woman's gentle touch. Her backpack had been forgotten in the house and now for some reason, Sam felt the need to take her jacket off as well, and why not, the night was certainly warm enough. She placed her gun on the bench next to her, thinking she wouldn't probably need it at that very moment, since Elila was acting anything but threateningly towards her.   
  
As her eyes closed slowly, she thought of the team, of how they would have to get some rest before turning the place inside out to look for Daniel. If these people were hiding Daniel for some reason, they could have an unwanted fight ahead of them. Though outnumbered, Sam was confident that the superiority of their weapons would be a sure bet against the rudimentary spears and knives she had seen in the hands of the men Ghala had introduced as his sons.   
  
The people here had nothing. In everything you could read the undeniable poverty. Why hadn't they moved further from the desert? There might be more fertile lands on the other side of the hills they had seen, a river or a sea, even.   
  
But the reason was obvious enough even for Sam's tired mind to grasp. Although they hadn't received any visitors for ages, they were all the same reluctant to move too far from the Gate, or the Entrance, as they called it. From what she had gathered from Ghala's babble to Teal'c when walking to his house, Vun'tah was considered a waiting place of some kind, a half-way point on the way to the gods, the Goa'uld. It was only natural for the people on the planet they had all come from to think that, since the gods came through the Gate, then anyone wanting, or *wanted*, to go to the gods in beforehand would do exactly the same. Maybe someone had in fact once witnessed the Goa'uld dial in an address and when imitating it, all it had taken was one wrong chevron and this was the result. Nevertheless, it could easily have been much worse.   
  
Elila's hands had found the strained muscles of her shoulders and were rubbing the tension off with slow circular motions. Sam couldn't help the sigh of pleasure coming from somewhere deep down her throat as the hands moved lower down on her back to relieve the muscles of their burden. The sound was taken as a sign of consent and Elila's fingers dug under the black shirt, pushing it up to get a better contact with the creamy skin.   
  
The thoughts in Sam's head wandered along their own winding roads. These people were waiting to be harvested by their gods, who, fortunately, had no knowledge of their existence. Such sickening irony that the most pious ones of all, those that had had the courage to step through the Stargate, trusting their lives in the hands of their everlasting faith and expecting to find a paradise waiting for them on the other side, were now trapped here, in this god-forsaken desert. But as everyone well knew, the ways of the gods were mysterious.   
  
Something would have to be done to convince them to seek for a better place to live, make them understand that no one was coming to get them and if someone would, it was bound to be the exact opposite of what they were expecting. There was only one option and that was to bury the Gate.   
  
But before any of that could become the team's priority, they would have to get some rest. Yes, rest, that's what she needed. Right there and then the touch of the woman, combined with the scents of the garden around them, were the only things allowed to enter her mind. All else could wait.   
  
Not noticing the breeze on her skin, Sam tried to concentrate on the words whispered into her ear, though unintelligible to her as they were, the woman's voice itself carried with it an appealing quality, a soft undertone, inviting Sam to join her in whatever she had to offer. The whisper was losing volume and transforming into pure air, warm air, invading Sam's ear and then changing it's state again, this time from vapour to liquid, a moistness that was about to take Sam with it into its underground streams, swallow her whole and drown her in the dark river running through the centre of the universe.   
  
Keeping her eyes closed, Sam had been able to shut the world around them out completely and concentrate fully on the woman's mouth, the gateway to that river still largely unknown to her, but her ears weren't quite as well sealed and a disturbing noise fought its way through into her consciousness.   
  
It was the sound of a gun being fired, followed by a number of screams and shouts.   
  
Sam sprang to her feet and with Elila right behind her, she ran back into the house and into the room where they had been received only a few minutes before.   
  
They found that in between a great deal had taken place, resulting in even more chaos than their unexpected arrival had initially caused.   
  
"Sir?! What happened?"   
  
"We're getting the hell outta here! This son of a bitch... he... "   
  
Seeing Jack couldn't finish the sentence, Teal'c took over.   
  
"This man made ColonelO'Neill a proposition unsuited to his taste."   
  
Sam did not need to ask for details, the truth of it being quite clear to her on account of what she herself had experienced in the garden. She could feel Elila place a hand on her shoulder and heard the woman's voice, presumably wanting know the cause of the disturbance. Pushing the woman's hand off of her shoulder and then, behind her back, taking it in her own, Sam gathered all the self-restraint in her to reply to her team mates in a concerned tone of voice.   
  
"Are you alright, sir? It must be some custom thing we're not used to."   
  
"You bet it is!" Jack half-screamed. "This Ghala-fella tells me that we're all their slaves now and they, as seniors..."   
  
"The old ones," Teal'c corrected.   
  
"...the 'old ones' get to have the first pick! He... he..." Jack said, pointing his gun at Ghala, unable to express the right amount of disgust he felt for the man.   
  
Sam could see Ghala leaning against the long table, apparently trying to restore his recently lost dignity by devoting his every effort to breathing and through that, cleansing the dust of the insult from his body. But judging by his furious gaze that only knew one point of focus, his feeble attempts seemed to be hitting the same brick wall over and over again and returning manifold to their owner. And the only thing preventing that wall from coming at him with full force was the calm Jaffa, holding Jack firmly by the arm.   
  
"Did this man's sister injure you, CaptainCarter?"   
  
"No... no," she said and letting go of Elila's hand, she walked to the men on the other side of the room. "I'm fine."   
  
"Since we're getting no help from these sick bastards," Jack continued, his face starting to regain its normal colour, "then we're just gonna have to look for Daniel on our own. Come on, let's go."   
  
"Wait! You cannot leave like this!" Ghala had found his ability to speak again. "It has not yet been decided to which houses you will be assigned!"   
  
"You make one more sound and I'll assign you permanently to a house where the ceiling is *real* low!" Jack shouted and would have been quite ready to attack the man if Teal'c hadn't still been holding his arm.   
  
"I did not understand that threat, O'Neill. Do you wish me to translate it all the same?"   
  
"Ah... forget it. He's not worth it," Jack muttered as he turned his back on Ghala and his people, safe in the knowledge that their weapons had made a deeper impact than threats ever could. "And mind letting go of my arm? I don't think I need someone to walk me just yet."   
  
"I do not intend to walk you, O'Neill. You are capable of doing that yourself."   
  
"Yes. Good. I can only handle one man putting his hands on me..." Jack hesitated. "...uh, I mean, once is enough. Carter, are you coming?"   
  
"Right behind you, sir," Sam replied and gave Elila a quick smile to reassure her that everything would be fine, although afraid nothing would.   
  
The three left the houseful of frightened people and headed out into the night. 


	3. Inside Out

Chapter 3: Inside Out  
  
"I'm in love with a man."   
  
The words came with a strange kind of calmness, a submission to a fact no one would be able to alter.   
  
"Are you sure? I mean, maybe it's only a passing thing, a phase of some sort."   
  
"No, this is past all that. I truly love him. His name is Ketor."   
  
Tulia sat down on a bench by the wall. Her hands were shaking in her lap and she clasped them together to keep them still.   
  
Daniel didn't know how to respond. The woman sounded certain of her feelings, as unnatural as they were to someone brought up in a culture that forbade all heterosexual relationships. Since Jarkof had excused himself and left already, Daniel's gaze turned to Sinera for help, but the woman was sitting in her chair silent like the stones behind her back.   
  
"And does he return your feelings?" Daniel asked turning back to Tulia.   
  
"I believe he does... I hope he does..."   
  
Tulia buried her face in her hands.   
  
"You haven't talked about this with him?"   
  
"No, not in so many words. But he did kiss me once."   
  
"Maybe he's just exploring the possibilities." Sinera entered the conversation. "I hear a lot of people do that at some point."   
  
"No! Not Ketor! I know he has feelings for me, I know he does."   
  
"What are you going to do about this?" Daniel asked cautiously. "Are you going to tell him how you feel?"   
  
"I'm afraid."   
  
Tulia was fighting back the tears. She would not resort to crying again, that solved absolutely nothing.   
  
"You have to tell him," Daniel said, his face expressionless but his eyes burning. "Otherwise you will never get over this. Believe me, I should know."   
  
"You have been in the same kind of situation?"   
  
"Something like that."   
  
The images of Jack came flashing in Daniel's mind. How long he had dwelled over those same feelings about the man, bottling them all up, denying their existence, projecting it all onto Sha're's disappearance, working side by side with Jack and letting the ever growing bottle of frustration fill him up, eat him up inside. He would never had had the courage to act on those feelings, never. It had taken the painful withdrawal from his addiction to the sarcophagus to throw him out of balance once and for all, before he could have reached the state in which no curb had been strong enough to hold him back. And how far astray had that careless move taken them.   
  
"Are you sure you want to risk everything for this man?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
There was no hesitation in Tulia's voice. This was a woman in love.   
  
"And you're okay with this?" Daniel asked, turning to Sinera, who had been unusually quiet in her seat.   
  
"It is over between us, if that's what you mean," she answered with poorly hidden resignation in her voice. "I want what Tulia wants and if she thinks that this will make her happy, then there's nothing more to be said."   
  
"When we met, it was like... magic," Tulia said smilingly as she thought back to those days twelve cycles before. "Sinera was bringing water to the house and I passed her in the yard. You were so beautiful, I'd never seen anything quite like you."   
  
"And you took me into your house and into your bed." Sinera returned the smile. "We were so much in love."   
  
"Then what happened?" Daniel couldn't resist asking.   
  
"I really don't know. Somewhere along the lines we turned into mere friends, still sharing the same bed, still loving one another..."   
  
"But not 'in love' anymore," Sinera completed the thought.   
  
"Yes, I guess that was it, the passion was gone."   
  
"And now it's back, but not for me." Sinera sighed, still smiling but her eyes betraying her.   
  
"Sinera-darling, please tell me if this is hurting you?"   
  
"No, Tulia," she shook her head and swallowed her tears. "I will love you always, nothing can ever change that, but I accept that we will both find our passion elsewhere."   
  
"Excuse me, but where exactly do I come in?"   
  
The women turned to Daniel in wonder, as if they had already forgotten his presence.   
  
"I know nothing of men," Tulia said earnestly, knowing the time for explanations had come. "I need you to teach me."   
  
Daniel was left gasping for air, his fingers digging deep into the sheets of the bed and clenching the linen inside his fists.   
  
"You want me to do *what*?!" He couldn't believe he was hearing this, there must have been some kind of misunderstanding. Of course there was.   
  
"I need you to teach me," Tulia repeated, staring him straight in the eye, not even blinking in order to keep the eye contact intact. "I want you to help me practise."   
  
"T-t-teach?" There had to be a mistake, a language issue maybe, a problem in his translation, *had* to be.   
  
"We are not even allowed to see men's bodies, let alone have intimate contact with them, so first of all I want to get used to looking at a man."   
  
Tulia's glance swept over Daniel's torso and stopped at his chest, the flatness of which never ceased to amaze her.   
  
"I... I don't think I would be comfortable with that," Daniel stuttered, equally shocked and embarrassed. There was no mistake.   
  
"But where you come from these things are commonplace, are they not?"   
  
"Uh, no, not exactly 'commonplace', but yes, these things are... accepted there."   
  
"Then you know what to do," Tulia said and walked up to Daniel, sitting down next to him on the bed.   
  
"Technically, yes... but you don't understand..." he muttered as he hurried to pull Tulia's hands off of him. "You see, I'm sort of recovering from a relationship at the moment."   
  
"Then maybe we can help each other."   
  
"No... look, I haven't been with a woman for a long time," Daniel blurted out in a fluster, only to regret the words the moment they passed his lips.   
  
Tulia looked at him with wonder.   
  
"You mean to say this last relationship you had was not with a woman?"   
  
"Uh... yes," he replied awkwardly and jumped to his feet to get away from the woman and her hands.   
  
"Oh, I see... He really isn't from Home, is he?" Tulia said, turning to Sinera for confirmation. "Quite extraordinary that *both* types of relationships are accepted."   
  
Daniel was lost for words again. How was he supposed to tell the woman, that although he had no knowledge of *her* home, at *his* home there was still a dangerously growing majority of anti-gay people and as far as the military was concerned, what had happened between Jack and him would've been punished equally severely as Tulia and Ketor would be if their involvement were to come public. But his thoughts were interrupted by the somewhat offended voice.   
  
"You do not find me attractive?"   
  
"Of course I do, but, uh..." Daniel gave Tulia an apologetic look. "No, not in the way you mean. I'm sorry."   
  
"But I need someone to tell me what to do, how one is to please a man!" Tulia cried out.   
  
Sinera was there to take Tulia's hand in her own and calm the woman down. The amount of love and caring Daniel could read in Sinera's eyes was agonising to witness.   
  
"You... you think you can win him over with sex?" Daniel asked, though knowing the answer all too well.   
  
Tulia nodded and buried her face in Sinera's arms.   
  
"Tulia, listen to me," Daniel said, pacing the room to gather his thoughts. "If he will only have you for the sex, he's not worth having at all."   
  
"But it would help, wouldn't it? Maybe he'd look more kindly on me, if I was able to satisfy his needs in the same way a man can."   
  
"No, no... That would only reduce it to sex, to lust, and lust is a temporary emotion, it blows over, it's not love."   
  
Daniel was painfully aware of the parallels to his own life, to Sha're and Jack. The first had been to him what Sinera so obviously was to Tulia, something that had been expected of him, something commonly approved of, something he himself had thought right at the moment and regretted bitterly afterwards. But he had gotten away with it in a way he hoped no one else ever would. And Sinera seemed to be taking all this amazingly well, her love and friendship were strong enough to handle any obstacles.   
  
But then there was Jack. Was that where the parallels ended?   
  
As he watched Tulia sobbing in Sinera's arms, Daniel could see himself on the storage room floor, crying the same tears. He could never let anyone go through what he had already experienced, no one deserved to be hurt like that. No, Daniel's faith in love was strong again, coming back from the depths he himself had plunged it into at a moment of weakness that very same day. Idealism was not dead, it was not for him to kill. There was nothing 'mature' about sex, nothing at all to justify the sacrifices he had been willing to make only to be able to be with Jack. He refused to let this woman end up in the same corner he had found himself in.   
  
"You must speak to Ketor about this," Daniel said and shook the thoughts connected with Jack from his mind. "You do trust him, don't you?"   
  
"I think so. Yes. I do."   
  
"Then tell him. Just... talk. Nothing more. If he shares your feelings he will do so regardless of whether you can please him in bed or not." There was something in Daniel's eyes, a cold blue flame, implying deep personal involvement and conviction behind his words, and freezing the tears on Tulia's face. "You can't let him take advantage of you. You have to find out if he's serious or if it's all just a game to him."   
  
But Tulia had no time to answer since the servant girl had appeared in the doorway and was clearing her throat with obvious embarrassment.   
  
"Master would like to see you," she said to Daniel in a barely audible voice.   
  
"Oh... Jarkof doesn't know about what we've talked here... about your relationship, I mean... he knows about Ketor, but not..." Tulia muttered and tried to get up from the bed. "I must speak to him and he will leave you alone, he's not a bad man..."   
  
"Dear, I think you need to rest for a while now," Sinera said and pulled her down gently next to her.   
  
"I'll go," Daniel said, appearing to be quite eager too see Tulia's brother again. "Uh, happy to stretch my legs a bit. I'm sure I can explain to him that you've changed your mind. You *have*, haven't you?"   
  
"Yes, I believe so... Please, he can be somewhat straight-forward when it comes to these things..."   
  
"I think I can manage," Daniel said, smiling reassuringly, and turned to the servant girl staring at the floor. "Well, then... lead the way."   
  
The two were gone before Tulia could stop them. There was too much going in circles in her mind to concentrate fully on any one thing.   
  
"But..." she tried again.   
  
"Now, now, dear," Sinera said pulling her head into her lap. "They will sort it out. It is not for you to worry."   
  
Tulia closed her eyes and rendered herself to take shelter in Sinera's arms, letting the woman's tender strokes wipe away all the bad things and send her into unruffled sleep.   
  
But before long the both of them were alarmed by a loud noise coming from the outside. It was like nothing neither of them had ever heard and the peculiarity of the sound was enough to build a immediate connection between it and the strangers in the town.   
  
"Sinera..." Tulia's voice was deeply nervous. "What has happened? Have they come for us?"   
  
"No, no, dear. That sound came from far off; you are perfectly safe here."   
  
"But what if they come here and find him..."   
  
"No one is coming. You sleep here, for I am sure Daniel won't be needing this bed tonight," Sinera said as she slowly stood up. "I will go and see what was the cause of that racket. I won't be long. Sleep well, my love."   
  
Tulia gave the woman a weak nod and curled up in the bed. Sinera was gone and Tulia was left alone with only the image of Ketor to hold onto for support.   
  
****   
  
"We must separate ourselves if we are to search this city effectively."   
  
"Sir, I think we should start with the houses," Sam said, nodding to Teal'c and turning to the colonel. "If Daniel was brought here, he's most likely gone through the same as we have."   
  
"Meaning, he's now the slave of some horny old man," Jack snapped at no one in particular, not being able to avoid thinking of Ghala, who had clearly 'called' him earlier, and getting an uneasy feeling in his stomach. "Okay, two shots if you find him or need help."   
  
The three split up, each taking a dozen houses and hoping it wouldn't turn out to be a complete waste of time.   
  
Jack was on his own. On several levels.   
  
Teal'c had been taking the situation with his usual calmness to an almost annoying degree. So much so, that Jack had wanted to yell at the Jaffa to get a move on with it, that Daniel's life was at stake, that didn't the man understand Daniel could be hurt as they spoke. But Jack had known Teal'c to be right. The worst could already have happened and rushing might only make them miss something of importance. And as for Sam, she had seemed a bit preoccupied after the incident at that old man's house. Jack's suspicions had been immediately aroused and he had started to think something more had taken place back there that she was quite reluctant to mention. Cursing these twisted, perverted people, Jack walked into the first house without bothering to ask for permission as he wouldn't be understood in any case.   
  
They had heard nothing new from the Gate camp and in a way that had naturally been a relief, but then there was also the possibility of Daniel being even worse off than buried under piles of sand. Jack was trembling at the mere thought of what he would do to the bastard who would have the nerve to touch the man. And by that token, he could just as well have beaten the shit out of himself.   
  
Entering yet another house and coldly ignoring the shouts and cries of the residents, he went through it room by room, his anger building up with every unsuccessful attempt to find his lover. The frustration and fear met with guilt and regret, forming together this enormous ball of pure hatred, which started to roll upwards from his stomach to his throat, filling his lungs with hot air and speeding up his heartbeat to spread tiny pieces of the ball into every inch of his body. He knew these people could be perfectly innocent of anything that had happened to Daniel, and yet couldn't resist the temptation of knocking over some furniture here and there to give the terrified inhabitants even more reason to fear.   
  
Jack had convinced himself that Daniel would be in one of those houses; his shaken mind could not accept any other possible scenario. He needed Daniel back and was ready to tear down every house and hut to find him, not leaving one single stone on top of another if those were the only obstacles standing in the way of fulfilling his quest. There were so many unsolved issues which Jack had been afraid to dig out from the back of the closet and bring into bright daylight, miscellaneous but highly delicate items, which he obviously wasn't prepared to study on his own and instead needed the help of a certain scholar in order to make any sense of them, come to terms with the cruel facts that had so far been merely implied and never fully explored.   
  
And yet on some level, Jack was perfectly aware that destroying the lives of these people, as sick as they appeared to him, wouldn't bring him any closer to the real tangle of problems lying behind his every action. His hands had gotten him to this point but it surely wasn't the road leading back, or even forward, for that matter. From the moment Daniel had left, every blow had been and would be directed at its giver.   
  
****   
  
Small as the house was, the walk to Jarkof's room didn't take long. The servant girl announced his arrival to her master and then disappeared into the dark hallway, leaving only the echo of her footsteps to give hint as to where.   
  
"Ah, there you are," Jarkof called out from the other side of the room, a much larger one than Daniel's but still equally sparsely furnished. "I was afraid you wouldn't come."   
  
Daniel gave the man a quick smile and searched frantically for cues and clues as to what was expected of him. Maybe he had read the signs all wrong earlier that day and the man only wanted to talk to him about his sister's unhappy love life.   
  
But there were no mistakes to be made when Jarkof walked right up to him and pushed a strand of hair aside to get a better look at Daniel's eyes. This was the language you need not be a linguist to understand.   
  
"Here," Jarkof said as he offered Daniel a cup, "have a drink. It is actually quite tolerable this year."   
  
Daniel swallowed the colourless drink without much thought, grinning as the surprisingly strong alcohol burned its mark in his throat. Nevertheless, not wanting to think of what exactly it was he was doing there, any substance that could assist him in forgetting was warmly welcomed.   
  
"So, what do you think?"   
  
Though nodding, he somehow felt the approval included much more than just the taste of the drink. Reason popped its head up for a brief moment to ask what in the world he was trying to prove by doing this, but the question slid away even more hastily than it had come.   
  
He put the empty cup down, though missing the table and dropping it to the floor, for he didn't want his eyes to part from Jarkof's, not for a second.   
  
"Daniel... you are an extraordinary man, Daniel."   
  
"Uh... thank you," he replied awkwardly. "But you don't have to..."   
  
"But I must. I must praise your beauty, tell you what I see when I look at you."   
  
"I... um... I'm flattered, naturally, and you're a very, uh, attractive man, Jarkof, but...."   
  
"No, no." Jarkof shook his head. "No buts. No arguments. I know all this is new to you, but I'd be honoured if you would allow me to be the first one to guide you to the life in Vun'tah."   
  
Eager to correct the misunderstanding, Daniel opened his mouth to tell him that he had already had his fair share of study in this particular field, but instead, he found himself interrupted by Jarkof's finger pressing gently on his lips as a reminder of the rules of conduct which he had just laid down.   
  
"Nuh-huh, no buts."   
  
Letting his mind drift along its own vague paths and allow his body to take control, Daniel couldn't help giving Jarkof a slight nod to signal his surrender and sealed the message with a soft kiss on the finger, inviting the rest of them deeper into his mouth. And Jarkof certainly did not have to be told twice. He pulled his hand reluctantly from Daniel's lips to make room for his mouth, already burning with anticipation, and granted it the freedom to taste everything in its way with a healthy appetite, whilst his hands began to tear away his own interfering clothing. Daniel's glasses were to follow the cup and end up on the floor, both being soon covered by Jarkof's tunic.   
  
His hands buried deep in Jarkof's curls, Daniel gave the man a strong push and watched him fall onto the bed, though quickly getting up on his hands and knees, only to be pushed down again. Daniel felt such a surge of power, going through his body and blocking all reason on the outside. Here he had a man that he wanted, that had no emotional control over him and was at its purest the same he had been to Jack.   
  
But Jack had no place in this picture; he was the past, belonged to the life before the end, whereas the new beginning, in the form of Jarkof's body, was there to be taken and it was Daniel who would be the taker.   
  
****   
  
Tulia wasn't quite certain why she had ended up outside her brother's door. Too agitated to sleep, she had needed a walk to clear her mind, to try to make sense of what the new man had convinced her to do.   
  
There was no saying that she hadn't known why Jarkof had called Daniel to his room; she was well aware of the liking her brother had taken to this man. And neither was this the first time she had stood there, hiding behind the curtain, trying to catch a glimpse of what went on inside. She had seen a great deal of manly bodies taking pleasure in each other and this night made no exception.   
  
First she heard the voices, the familiar deepness, the husky undertone, the words that were not words anymore but pure sounds, though with more meaning any word could ever carry. After carefully pulling the curtain aside, she had a perfect view of them both.   
  
The new man, Daniel, was on his knees on the bed with his loincloth pulled aside, leaning down over Jarkof, who in turn was lying on his back, completely naked, his hands travelling across the chest of the man on top of him. Since Daniel's back was turned to the doorway, Tulia was able to widen her peek-hole, safe in the knowledge that neither of the men would be able to spot her. And as she revealed more of the sight, the new man rubbing his hardened organ against her brother's, bending lower to kiss him, biting his nipples hard enough to make Jarkof scream, Tulia felt the excitement beginning to lift its horny little head, the all too familiar grab in her stomach that she had experienced countless times when standing in that very place. She reached down and slid her hand under her clothes, allowing herself a modest relief, letting loose the burning feeling between her thighs and making a silent scream as the waves of fulfilment rushed through her body.   
  
Afraid that the men had heard her, she took a few steps back, but her concern proved unnecessary, since the new man had reached his peak as well and nothing could've penetrated his consciousness while up there.   
  
Tulia leaned her back against the wall and tried to catch her breath again. The men were on the move; Jarkof circling around the bed to the head of it while the new one was lying on his back with his eyes closed. The loincloth was curled up on his stomach, leaving the emptied organ open for the prying eye. The man looked beautiful, it was unquestionably the most beautiful sight she had ever had the privilege to witness.   
  
She thought her end had come when hearing the voice of her brother.   
  
"Tulia-dear, I know you're there. Do show yourself."   
  
****   
  
In a wink of an eye, Jack's gun was pointing at the owner of the hand touching his shoulder.   
  
After the initial shock, the frightened woman started to shoot out a string of unintelligible words and Jack lowered his weapon to calm her down.   
  
"Hey, it's okay... okay..."   
  
Seeing the woman settle down, Jack looked around to see if Teal'c were anywhere near for him to call the Jaffa to do the translation, but he found no sign of either Teal'c or Sam. Just as he was ready to fire his gun into the air to attract the attention of his team, Jack recognised one of the words the woman kept repeating.   
  
"Daniel?"   
  
The woman nodded eagerly and gestured him to follow her.   
  
Without giving it any more thought and forgetting all about the other two searchers, he gave his hand to the woman and let her guide him through maze of houses with only one name in his mind.   
  
****   
  
Daniel lifted his head enough to see Tulia walk hesitantly out of the shadows. His mouth felt dry and his head was still spinning from the orgasm.   
  
"Wha--?" he managed to mutter.   
  
"Settle down, my love," Jarkof's voice came soothing over him. "It is only my curious sister. Come here, Tulia."   
  
The woman obeyed as if losing the last trace of her own will and walked over to the bed where the two men were waiting more or less eagerly.   
  
"You don't mind if Tulia watches, do you?" Jarkof asked.   
  
"W-wha--?"   
  
Words were still unattainable to Daniel. But no one seemed to be expecting him to say anything. The question had been a mere figure of speech and the reply was considered to hold no significance. Daniel had already had his fun and now it was others' turn, as a proof of which Tulia sat down on the end of the bed, giving her brother at the other end a quick glance before fixating her gaze on Daniel's body.   
  
Daniel was just about to stand up to defy the gross disregard of his opinion and form the words of polite refusal, as he suddenly felt his arms being pulled above his head, and before he could react to it in any way, Jarkof kneeled over him and pinned Daniel's arms down with his legs.   
  
"Would you like to have a taste of this?"   
  
Certain he would faint, Daniel had to take a deep breath and blink a couple of times, before letting the sight sink in. There it was, Jarkof's swollen organ, hanging only a few inches over his face, promising him the taste of life.   
  
It brought back the numerous times he had begged Jack to let him take him in his mouth, but Jack had merely made a joke out of it, saying he wasn't ready to risk his most precious possession to Daniel's inexperienced mouth and sharp teeth. No matter how much he had tried, the man had been determined.   
  
And here was Jarkof, as if reading Daniel's mind and offering him the one thing he wanted the most, quite openly even, and without a trace of the shame and inhibition he had sensed in Jack.   
  
"So, do you want it? I saved it specially for you."   
  
Jarkof's voice brought Daniel back from the memories of his life on the other side of the galaxy. Those thoughts would have to go, be buried like the Gate to ensure nothing from the past would ever interfere with the present.   
  
"Uh, yes... yes, please..." Daniel's reply was barely audible but unnecessary as the overwhelming desire could be easily read in his eyes. And Jarkof was not one to miss the opportunity.   
  
"Well, then... I believe we can reach an agreement here," Jarkof said and lowered his hips to sweep Daniel's lips lightly with the tip of his penis.   
  
"W-what... uh, what kind of a deal?"   
  
"I'll give you a taste of this and maybe Tulia here gets to do a little more than watch."   
  
Daniel couldn't even hear the man, all his energy being concentrated on trying to reach Jarkof's flesh with his tongue. There was a tiny drop glimmering at the end of his shaft that Daniel was determined to lick away, but the pearl remained out of his reach, teasing him to the point of insanity.   
  
"So, she can join us?"   
  
"Yes... yes... yes..."   
  
He would have agreed to anything in order to get the pearl. The rest of his body had become entirely insignificant to him, just as long as the purple flesh above his face would end his suffering and give him the taste he had craved for even before ever setting his eyes on this man.   
  
"I was quite convinced that you wouldn't mind," Jarkof said smilingly. "Go ahead, Tulia, play with him."   
  
"I... I do not know what to do..." Tulia said hesitatingly.   
  
"Oh, I won't hear that! You've watched me with men many times, so go ahead, dear, " Jarkof urged his sister. "Touch it, it won't break!"   
  
But Daniel's neck was about to. He was doing everything in his power to get a lick of the piece of flesh tormenting him and in spite of all his attempts, wasn't able to reach the devil's device.   
  
"Please, let me have it... please..."   
  
Jarkof only grinned, enjoying the lust in Daniel's voice, though knowing he wouldn't be able to hold himself back for much longer. It had been a triumph in itself to endure the earlier heat, let alone have this beautiful and most desirable man completely at his mercy and begging him to let him take the nearly bursting organ between his delicious lips. Mercilessly he continued his tease by letting his fingertips skim the man's nipples, pinching them quickly and taking pleasure when hearing him moan from the touch.   
  
Daniel's body twitched as he felt a second pair of hands on his skin, stroking cautiously his reawakening groin. With great effort he managed to lift his head enough to catch a glimpse of what was going on at the foot of the bed, and for a second his eyes locked on Tulia's, finding such an amount of bewilderment in them to bring to his mind a vivid snapshot-image of a child on Christmas morning. Her touch was searching, trying to make out how this new toy worked, where were the right buttons to push and what it was capable of doing. And to his amazement, Daniel found the inexperience and childlike exploring disturbingly exciting.   
  
"Just like that, Tulia," Jarkof encouraged his sister. "Play with him, he's all yours, aren't you, Daniel?"   
  
"Please..." Daniel muttered.   
  
Once more he tried, holding his head as high as he could, to reach the pulsing flesh and used up the last of his strengths in attempt to tear his arms free from underneath the man's legs - all to no avail.   
  
However, the tease was proving unbearable to Jarkof, as well, and gradually he lowered himself to allow Daniel have the taste he'd been begging for. With immense pleasure he watched Daniel engulf his flesh and as his organ disappeared into the man's mouth, Jarkof heard the voice of his sister. There she was, staring down at the white substance pouring onto her hands and clothes. It took all his remaining will-power to pull away from the mouth again, to stall his own coming for a little while longer.   
  
"Well done!" he said, grinning to his sister. "Now, taste it, Tulia-dear. Go on, you cannot pass on such an opportunity. And I believe it's time to give our guest his price."   
  
"Please... give me... please... Jack... please..."   
  
Letting his eyes close to pull down the curtain between the profane and the most sacred, Daniel received his hard-earned price. And yet, regardless of all his efforts, nothing could prevent him from imagining it to be Jack's flesh in his mouth and with a hunger only months of fasting could give rise to he sucked, nearly choking on the semen when Jarkof's restraint finally gave in.   
  
****   
  
The woman had stopped at a doorway and seemed to be whispering something significant, yet totally incomprehensible, to Jack.   
  
"You want me to go in, is that it?" Jack asked, though knowing there was no chance of getting a reply.   
  
She pulled the curtain aside and gestured for Jack to step in.   
  
Gasping for air, it only took Jack a few seconds to grasp the scene in front of him. First of all there was Daniel, lying on the bed, fully exposed and with a woman kneeling over him, evidently licking the remains of sperm off of Daniel's thighs. And then there was the man, holding Daniel pinned down on the bed and thrusting his filthy dick down his throat.   
  
"You son of a bitch..."   
  
With glaring fury, Jack charged at the man and hit him straight in the face with the handle of his sidearm, enjoying the sadistic satisfaction of hearing his nose break. Deciding that just shooting the bastard would be too impersonal to feed his hunger for blood, Jack threw his gun on the floor and jumped on the man holding his bleeding nose to beat him senseless in the way he deserved.   
  
"You son of a bitch! You're gonna pay for what you did! You hear me?! You're gonna pay!"   
  
"Jack?"   
  
It had taken Daniel some time to catch on to what was happening around him. He felt Jarkof being pushed off the bed and heard Tulia's scream for help. But it was only now that he saw who was behind it all.   
  
"Jack, no!" Daniel shouted and hurried to the pair of men fighting on the floor. Not that 'fighting' was the correct term, since it was solely Jack that was doing the beating, whereas Jarkof was taking the punches like a bag of sand, lying on his back semiconscious.   
  
"Let him go, Jack! Let him go!"   
  
Jack was slow to notice Daniel's hands on his back, tearing him off of the man. The surprise surpassed the rage and his fist stopped in mid-air.   
  
"What the hell do you mean 'let him go'?" he asked, most annoyed by the interruption. "This bastard hurt you and now he's gonna pay for it!"   
  
"No, Jack, he didn't hurt me," Daniel cried out in despair. "Please! Let him go!"   
  
"Didn't hurt...? I saw what he did! He forced you to..." Jack couldn't even say the words.   
  
"No, you got it all wrong! No one forced me... Please, Jack... Leave him alone!"   
  
All Jack could do was watch Daniel push him aside and gather the bleeding man into his arms. No one had forced Daniel, that's what he had said. No force. No. Daniel had wanted it. No.   
  
"You have *got* to be kidding..." Jack said, shaking his head as he got up and took a few steps back to torment himself with the sight of Daniel holding his naked lover on the floor. "You... you... no... Hell, no!"   
  
"Jarkof, can you hear me?" Daniel was drying the man's face with one of the sheets, slapping him on the cheeks to make him regain consciousness. "Please, talk to me... Jarkof... talk to me..."   
  
Jack stood still, staring hypnotically at the two, when the room suddenly filled with people driven there by Tulia's screams, and Jack, the assumed attacker, was pushed against the wall. He didn't hear the shouts around him, didn't feel the rope being tied around his wrists, didn't see anything except Daniel and his new lover.   
  
"You bastard!" Jack yelled, finally finding his voice again. "Didn't take you long, now did it?"   
  
"Jack..." Daniel knew what he wanted to say, but ended up opening his mouth like a fish out of water.   
  
"Now, now... mustn't speak with your mouth full," Jack said wryly, seeing both Daniel's attempts to speak as well as the white drops still clinging onto his skin.   
  
"Jack, please..."   
  
"Why couldn't you come right out and say it? That you wanted someone younger and better-looking? Well, now you've got it and obviously you're having the time of your life!"   
  
"No, Jack..."   
  
But Daniel was too late. Jack was already being dragged out of the room and he could hear a male voice shouting orders to take him to his house. Daniel didn't know whether to get up and follow or to stay with the injured man, but the latter made the decision easy for him by opening his eyes and letting out a stream of blood from his mouth as he tried to speak.   
  
"I'm here, Jarkof, everything's okay, I'm right here..."   
  
"Who is this man?" the same male voice behind Daniel commanded before Jarkof could get a word out of him. "You are the one the new ones were asking for, aren't you?"   
  
"Uh, yes, I think..." Daniel said and turned to get a look at the man who spoke with such obvious authority. "I'm Daniel and that man they took away was my friend. I know he didn't mean any harm, he just, uh... misread the situation. W-what is going to happen to him?"   
  
"I'll ask the questions here, if you don't mind! I am Ghala, the eldest, and it should have been brought to my attention that there was also a forth new one in Vun'tah!" the man raged. "If Jarkof weren't already in that state I would certainly put him into it myself!"   
  
Daniel wasn't sure how to ask about Jack without upsetting him even more.   
  
"Please, I must know... " he tried. "My friend won't be punished, will he? Please, it was all a misunderstanding..."   
  
"Your friend will be treated the way any disobedient servant should be, I wouldn't worry about that, no, not as much as you ought to worry about Jarkof and yourself."   
  
"But..."   
  
"Quiet! I will administer a punishment for the new one first and deal with Jarkof later. No one is to leave this house until I return!"   
  
A flash of white linen was all Daniel was able to register as Ghala span around and marched out of the room. His authority had been placed under question, no doubt, and the loss of prestige was no simple matter. Someone was bound to pay the price and Daniel feared it wouldn't be him.   
  
****   
  
Jack had neither the energy nor the will to care about what was happening to him. His feet barely touching the ground, he was dragged out of the house and into another.   
  
Someone was talking to him and not in a particularly pleasant tone of voice, either, but as he understood nothing and cared even less, he let his mind drift away and torture itself with the image of Daniel in bed with another man, his Daniel having sex with another man. He had driven him to it - such a ludicrous cliché and yet so painfully true. There was no exit leading out of the room in which Jack found himself locked. It was a room where he felt comfortable, safe, and which not even Daniel could have been allowed to enter. The lock had clicked the moment he had refused to let Daniel do what... As clear as the image was, Jack was still unable to put it into words.   
  
But the room had not been there always. It wasn't until he had been forced to come to terms with the existence of these ambiguous feelings he harboured towards Daniel that he had needed the protection only the locked door was able to provide him. On a level still partly unknown to him, he had thought that to be the best conceivable way to cope with the new territory their involvement had opened up for him, thinking that his restraint was bound to keep things casual and, yet again, safe. It was obvious that he had failed miserably.   
  
Along with the key to the room, Jack had thrown away something Daniel had had to go and look for elsewhere, from another man. He knew he had been reserved and probably the most inconsiderate lover imaginable, and he had no valid excuses for it. It had been simply impossible for him to let himself go like that, lose his control and expose himself in front of Daniel in all his weakness. That would have meant giving into the notion that he was gay and Jack wasn't gay. Of course he wasn't. It was not even an issue. He didn't like men; he liked Daniel. And to Jack there was a huge difference between men in general and this one in particular.   
  
Feeling his hands being untied, Jack woke up to reality for a brief moment, only to find himself being tied again, though this time his arms were pulled high up until he was standing on his toes. The cold stone against his body had a reassuring effect, telling him he was still alive and capable of suffering the consequences of his inexcusable behaviour.   
  
He could have killed that bastard back there, quite easily and without a trace of remorse. And yet Jack felt he deserved every ounce of pain the world had to offer, that he was the one that should pay, the one that had messed things up. When he had thought that man to be doing it to Daniel by force, Jack had been attacking the stranger as much as himself. He needed to be punished, but not for the crime the rest of the world thought.   
  
That same man was there again. Ghala. His voice was lower than the one before, not so much commanding as it was... vicious. The voice sunk ever lower and yet Jack could hear it better still. And when the hand touched his buttock, he knew why.   
  
****   
  
Having calmed down in the arms of Sinera, Tulia appeared to become aware of what had happened to her brother and she rushed to the bed.   
  
"Oh, Jarkof! I am sorry, so sorry! I am entirely to blame for this..."   
  
"Sinera..." Daniel didn't have to call her again, as she came half-running and wrapped her shawl around Tulia's shoulders to hide the stains of semen on her dress from the crowd of curious spectators still standing in the doorway.   
  
"Servants," she said in a loud voice, "would one of you be so kind as to show these people to the door as they do not seem to be able to find it on their own?"   
  
The room cleared quickly and the rabble moved into the hallway and down the stairs. Half-buried under their voices, Daniel could distinguish the sound of broken glass, crackling as the feet spread its pieces all over the floor. But the loss of his specs wasn't the main thing in Daniel's mind at that moment.   
  
"Sinera," he said in a whisper, as the newly fallen silence seemed to require it, "he needs to see a doctor."   
  
"What is that?"   
  
"A doctor, uh..." Daniel rolled his eyes in frustration. "A medicine man, a wise man, a healer - anything!"   
  
He couldn't keep his voice down any longer, but there was no need to either, as the woman shouted out an order loud and clear, and though no servant was visible to the eye, the footsteps in the stairs revealed that the matter was already attended to.   
  
"But I thought that man, Ghala, ordered that no one was allowed to leave the house?" Daniel asked concerned.   
  
"Oh, the servants always find their ways," Sinera answered. "You rest assured."   
  
"Then could I get out, as well? I really need to..."   
  
"No!" Her voice was unconditional. "You will be spotted the moment you step into the street. You must wait here."   
  
"Oh, why can't we let him go?" Tulia cut in. "Haven't I done enough damage already..."   
  
"Tulia-dear, you are not to blame for this," Sinera said as she leaned down to kiss the woman's hair. "I am certain none of this has anything to do with you. Quite certain."   
  
"How could this happen? Why did that man hurt my brother? This is a punishment, isn't it? The punishment for what I did and I pulled Jarkof down with me!"   
  
"No, Tulia, it has absolutely nothing to do with you," Daniel stepped in, seeing Sinera wasn't able to convince the hysterical woman by herself. "That man, Jack, thought Jarkof was hurting me and that is why he attacked him. Not because of anything you did."   
  
"But why would he have thought so? You were willing, were you not?"   
  
"Yes, I was..." Daniel said awkwardly. "He just wouldn't want to think I was being unfaithful to him out of free will."   
  
The healer arrived and the three stepped back to give the professional some room to work in. Jarkof's wounds were cleansed and treated with some herbal bandages that Daniel knew nothing of but was all the same ready to rely on.   
  
"Oh, this was the man you talked about earlier, I see..." Tulia said with a strange relief in her voice as they sat down on a bench on the other side of the room. "He was jealous of you, that is understandable. Not that it justifies the actions he took, but it does make it more understandable."   
  
"No, nothing would justify this, I'm deeply sorry," Daniel said and took Tulia's hand in his own. "I have caused everyone great sorrow and I apologise."   
  
"It was I and my stupid idea to keep you hidden from the others that is the cause of all this trouble! I should have listened to you, Sinera, and should never have pursued this fantasy of mine, never!"   
  
"Tulia-dear, I know you did it all because of your love for Ketor, I am sure of that," Sinera said quietly.   
  
"But experience! Lessons! What was I thinking?! And the sex wasn't even that special!" Tulia cried out, though adding: "Please, do not be offended, Daniel."   
  
"Uh, I'm not," Daniel muttered and glanced suspiciously at the healer to see if he had reacted in any way to her words, hoping some form of confidentiality applied here as well.   
  
"I love Ketor," Tulia went on in her sudden excitement. "Not a man or a woman, but Ketor. I care not whether he has that additional piece of flesh hanging between his legs or not, it shall make no difference to me. I would feel just the same were he a woman or..."   
  
Daniel didn't catch the last comparison, but assumed the obscure cluster of sounds referred to those peculiar animals he had seen earlier.   
  
"It makes no difference..." he repeated to himself, suddenly hearing something disturbingly familiar in the words, but didn't have to say it out loud. Sinera was there to do the job for him.   
  
"But what if he uses you as only his plaything, has his fun and then deserts you?"   
  
"Then so be it," Tulia said firmly. "I have dwelled in my insecurity long enough, now it is time to take action. You saw that man here, he was willing to fight for his love and so am I for mine!"   
  
"Tulia, please, you're not going to go talk to Ketor, are you?"   
  
The women's voices faded into the background as Daniel sunk deeper into his own thoughts. Jack had fought for him. But in actuality, had he fought for his lover - or for his personal property and the loss of dignity connected to it?   
  
Daniel would have been lying if he was to claim that it hadn't felt 'good', in a seriously perverted sort of way, when he saw the rage in Jack's eyes, the drive to kill the man that he thought had done damage to his... what? There was always the seed of hope, keeping lodge somewhere deep down, that maybe, just maybe, there was more to it than Jack let him think; maybe a shred of the man he had fallen in love with over two months ago.   
  
Something had obviously happened in between - either Jack had changed, or he had finally shown his true colours, that he was not the man Daniel had thought him to be. And it was precisely that hope mixed with the fear of disappointment that had kept him from coming clean with Jack. But insecurity had unquestionably been the stronger one and because of that, he had never had the guts to come out and say the same thing to Jack as Tulia was about to say to Ketor.   
  
Would he be crushed if he told Jack how he felt about him and the man turned him down? Probably. What were the odds that he would return Daniel's feelings? There must have been some way of calculating that. If they could do it for racehorses, then why not for air force colonels? Perhaps, because people's lives had more turns than the track's four.   
  
Looking at Tulia made Daniel more confident that there could only be one possible turn for him. It had been a stupid act of pride to break up with Jack without any explanations or discussions, something he had thought at the moment to be designed to protect him from any more heartache, but in the end it had caused more pain than anyone could have foreseen. And it would have been equally stupid to crawl back to the man, offering his body at his disposal and swallowing down his self-respect in one bitter gulp. No, now there was only one option left for him and this time he wouldn't let anything as trivial as sex cloud his judgement.   
  
"Sex is simple enough to complicate things."   
  
Tulia's remark came through into Daniel's thoughts and hit right on the spot.   
  
****   
  
"Teal'c!" Sam shouted as she spotted the Jaffa coming out of one of the houses and ran after him. "What's going on?!"   
  
"I do not know. I noticed people running in the street and most of them appear to have gone to that house over there."   
  
"I didn't hear the colonel fire his gun," Sam said, panting as she caught up with the Jaffa, "so, maybe it has nothing to do with him. Better have a look at it anyway."   
  
The two hurried to the house Teal'c had been talking about and pushed their way in through the crowd gathering in the doorway. Finding nothing but a couple of scared servants on the ground floor, they climbed upstairs, and hit the jackpot.   
  
"Daniel!"   
  
"Oh, hi guys," Daniel answered casually. It had completely slipped his mind that of course Jack hadn't come alone and Sam and Teal'c were bound to be around there somewhere, but with all that hassle, Daniel had long since ceased to be able to think rationally.   
  
"Are you okay?" Sam asked and stepped closer to give Daniel a quick hug, at the same time delighted and worried to find him there.   
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Daniel assured her, giving her a weak smile. "Where's Jack?"   
  
"We separated ourselves when attempting to find you, DanielJackson."   
  
"He can't have gone far," Sam added, seeing the concern in Daniel's eyes.   
  
"No, you don't understand... Jack was already here," Daniel said and walked over to the bed Jarkof was lying in, to show them the results of Jack's visit.   
  
"O'Neill did this?"   
  
Daniel nodded.   
  
"Why?" Sam asked in disbelief.   
  
"Uh... it's a long and not so pretty story," Daniel said as he stroked Jarkof's forehead gently, pushing the hair back from his face. "That's not important right now. Look, we have to find him. He's going to be punished for this."   
  
"He was taken to Ghala's house, I am sure of that," Sinera said, getting up from the bench by the wall. "I doubt anything will be done before morning, though; Ghala is certain to want everyone to see the punishment."   
  
"Sam, Teal'c - this is Sinera, and that's Tulia, Jarkof's sister," Daniel mumbled hurriedly, trying to get the introductions out of the way as quickly as possible.   
  
"I'm not taking any risks," Sam said, taking the role of the leader. "We can't wait till morning."   
  
"Then I will show you there through the back, so that you won't be seen," Sinera replied.   
  
"We appreciate your effort."   
  
Sinera was startled to hear Teal'c's voice and hesitated for a moment whether or not to show the servant of the Gods the respect he deserved, but as Daniel appeared to be quite at ease around the Jaffa, she decided to ignore the protocol and deal with things as they came.   
  
"So, these are the friends you talked about," Sinera said, turning back to Daniel, "You weren't sent to Vun'tah, but instead you were brought here by the Gods."   
  
"Uh, something like that." Daniel had no idea how to formulate the whole of it into a concise and easily absorbed explanation. "We don't belong here. We have to go. Now."   
  
"I will help you in any way I can," she said obediently. "If the Gods did not intend for you to stay, no human can stop you from leaving."   
  
Sam had taken the radio to tell SG-3 to stop their search, the object of which having been found safe and sound. As for the rescue of Colonel O'Neill no help from the base camp could be expected, though, since by foot the journey across the desert would take hours, as she well knew. They were on their own.   
  
"Oh, and I believe you will find this useful as well," Sinera continued as she walked over to the bed and pulled Jack's gun from under it. "I managed to hide this. I thought it best not to let Ghala have it."   
  
"You thought wisely." Teal'c nodded, giving rise to an uncharacteristic blush on Sinera's cheeks; she was in favour with the Gods themselves.   
  
"Take it," Sam said and offered the gun to Daniel. "We're going to need all the firepower we can get."   
  
"No, no... I don't want anyone to get hurt." Daniel shook his head and pushed the weapon back into Sam's hands. "There's been too much of that already."   
  
"We should go."   
  
"Yes, Ghala will receive the information that the new ones have been here and he will know to expect you," Sinera said already on her way to the door. "You must hurry if you are to surprise him."   
  
But Daniel was not moving.   
  
"Wait... just wait, please."   
  
He needed to say goodbye first.   
  
All this time, Daniel felt he had been balancing on the border between two very different worlds, getting lost in no-man's-land, unable to choose his side, and poor Jarkof had been the unfortunate one to get caught in the middle of it all - the casualty of a war he knew nothing of.   
  
His eyes opening, Jarkof tried to say something, but Daniel's finger stopped him in mid-sentence.   
  
"Please, don't talk. I must go and I wanted to... I can't explain everything right now, but I..."   
  
Daniel felt the words clinging to his throat.   
  
"Goodbye, Jarkof," he said, moving his finger along the still bleeding lips and taking the last look of those dark brown eyes.   
  
"Daniel, we have to go." Sam was getting impatient. "That man, Ghala, already made the colonel an...." Her hand was swinging in the air, waiting for Teal'c's assistance to complete the sentence.   
  
"An indecent proposition."   
  
"Yes, thank you, Teal'c," Sam said, nodding to the Jaffa, and then continued, stammering slightly: "Daniel, you must have noticed that these people... *differ* from us to some extent, and I fear that Ghala might punish him in another way if we don't get there and soon."   
  
"He... Jack..." Daniel couldn't think straight anymore and yet Sam's message couldn't have been more clear to him. "What are we waiting for?!" he exclaimed and hurried to the door.   
  
"Tulia-dear?" Sinera asked as she pulled the woman up from her seat where she had been sitting quietly the whole time, rocking herself back and forth in steady rhythm. "Would you stay here with Jarkof while I go and escort these people to Ghala's house?"   
  
Tulia was happy to be led back to the patient's bed, and as she turned to watch Sinera and Daniel go with the new strangers, she heard a faint voice coming from underneath the blankets.   
  
"Daniel...? Where...?"   
  
"He is gone, for good, I fear. How are you feeling, my dear brother?"   
  
"I... I have been better, considerably better. Daniel... gone? And who was that man?"   
  
****   
  
The three were led by Sinera into the house by the town square, strange to Daniel, but all too familiar to the remaining two.   
  
Forcing their way through a group of the most curious and adventurous, who were blocking the doorway, attempting to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside, they rushed in after Sinera. And what a sight was waiting for them.   
  
On the opposite wall of the great hall, they could see Jack, standing with his back towards them and hands tied to something sticking out of the stone wall. And as they entered the room, the whip was cutting yet again deep into his skin, adding a new stream of blood to the ones already running down his bare back and buttocks.   
  
Without giving Sam or Teal'c the chance to fire their weapons, Daniel attacked the man holding the whip and managed to stop the next lash, before being flung against the wall himself. But gathering his strength again, Daniel was back in the fight and crawling on his hands and knees he reached the man and dig his teeth all the way to the bone of his leg, causing him to fall down on the floor. Hearing a mixture of shouting and screaming around him, guns being fired as a warning, Daniel was just about to get the upper hand of the man, when he was pulled up and pushed aside.   
  
"Teal'c, what are you doing?!"   
  
"I believe you said that you did not want any more injuries. To anyone."   
  
The words of the Jaffa slowly reaching the back of his mind, Daniel took a deep breath to calm down the rush of adrenaline his spontaneous attack had caused. There were more important things at hand, on the top of which getting Jack down from the wall.   
  
"Help me!" he yelled at Teal'c and together they got Jack's limp body to the floor.   
  
"Jack! Talk to me, please! Jack!"   
  
"Daniel..."   
  
"Jack!" Daniel's whole body trembled with relief, when hearing Jack's voice, coming weak but very much alive. "What did they do to you? My god, Jack..."   
  
"You... should see the other guy..." Jack muttered from the floor. "Had a game of ball-buster with him and I think I won..."   
  
It was only now that Daniel noticed what Sam and Sinera had already seen, Ghala lying in the corner, holding his groin with both hands and clearly in great pain.   
  
"You kicked him... in the balls?" Daniel could almost have laughed if the circumstances had been different. "Wha--?"   
  
"I believe this man tried to become intimate with ColonelO'Neill again," Teal'c replied from his side.   
  
Daniel lifted Jack's head into his lap, pressing his face against his hair and whispering something into his ear, but there was no one to hear to him. Jack had already slipped into unconsciousness.   
  
"He has lost a great deal of blood," Teal'c said, pulling down a curtain hanging in front of the doorway and covering the man's wounds with it. "He will need medical attention."   
  
"Sinera, we have to get to the Entrance," Daniel said turning his eyes away from Jack only for the brief moment it took to locate the woman. "You have to help us."   
  
"Of course. And I have already sent for the healer," she replied with her usual calmness, receiving Daniel's grateful smile with a nod. "But the Entrance? Will you be allowed to leave?"   
  
"I am certain of that," Teal'c said as he walked over to Ghala, who was still lying on his side in the corner. "We are leaving."   
  
Ghala woke back to life and fell on his face at Teal'c's feet.   
  
"Please, you are not taking the new ones with you, are you? I promise you this kind of trouble will occur no more, you have my word for that! Please, don't take them, we need new workers desperately..."   
  
Teal'c's foot pressed hard on Ghala's hand, stopping the flow of words most efficiently.   
  
"I am a servant of the Gods. What you do to your servants, you do to me. Am I understood?"   
  
"Oh, yes... yes... "   
  
"Good."   
  
Before Teal'c could raise his foot from the man's hand, Daniel's shout stopped him.   
  
"Wait! I want him to promise that Jarkof won't be punished in any way."   
  
"Do you make this promise?" Teal'c asked, increasing the pressure on Ghala's hand.   
  
"Yes! Yes!"   
  
"Do you trust the word of this man, DanielJackson?"   
  
"Uh, yes... I guess." What else was there to trust? "Yes, let him go, Teal'c."   
  
"We're going to need some means of transport to get the colonel to the Gate," Sam said, still holding her gun pointed at Ghala and his servants.   
  
"Sinera...?" Daniel called out again.   
  
"I will attend to it."   
  
Careful not to touch Jack's back, Daniel and Teal'c carried the unconscious man out into the street where three huge animals were being saddled for them, with the addition of a fourth one for their guide. They placed Jack on his stomach on one of them and after Daniel's vigorous arguments, settled that Teal'c should be the one riding it.   
  
As the animals and, after the healer had arrived, also Jack were prepared for the ride back to the Gate, Daniel took the opportunity to pull Sinera aside.   
  
"Sinera... I don't know what to say, how to thank you."   
  
"There is nothing for you to be thankful for. I am the cause of your lover's present condition."   
  
Daniel looked at her questioningly.   
  
"Yes, it was I who showed him to Jarkof's room," Sinera said, bending her head down with shame. "I did not know that you... and Tulia, too... of course I had my suspicions, but..."   
  
"It's okay, they would've found me sooner or later," Daniel tried to comfort her. "But why?"   
  
"I wanted you out of the house."   
  
Her words came as a total surprise to Daniel and he failed to keep the expression from his face.   
  
"Please, do not get me wrong here. I have nothing against you personally, but I believed your presence was only hurtful to Tulia, as well as to yourself. Nothing good could have come of it."   
  
Daniel had to agree. The love this woman had for Tulia never ceased to amaze him.   
  
"Hey, is that her?" Daniel asked, seeing only a dark figure without his glasses, standing in a second floor window of one of the houses.   
  
"Yes, it is she."   
  
Too far for voice to carry, motions had to make up for it, and the two waved their hands to the woman and saw her return the gesture.   
  
"Please, tell her that I understand why she did, what she did."   
  
"I will. I must return to her soon. I am afraid of leaving her alone for too long."   
  
"Yes, you're worried she will go to Ketor and do something foolish," Daniel said, then pausing for a moment to search for the right way to phrase his thoughts on the subject once more. "Look, I still feel they should discuss it, bring it out in the open. Not *open* open, but you know what I mean..."   
  
Sinera only smiled, not taking her eyes off of the woman in the window.   
  
"I'm an outsider, yes, but believe me, I know what I'm talking about," Daniel finished, only to find Sinera's smile turn sadder.   
  
"No, I don't believe you do."   
  
"Daniel!" Sam's call came from behind. "We're ready to go!"   
  
"Ill be right there!" Daniel shouted back and turned to Sinera again. "I really do know how she feels and I think she should trust Ketor enough to tell him."   
  
"No, you still don't understand," Sinera said shaking her head. "You see, there is no Ketor."   
  
Daniel was struck speechless.   
  
"Wha--? He... You mean to tell me he's not real?"   
  
"Oh, he's very real," Sinera answered with the same melancholy smile on her face. "Unfortunately, Ketor is only real to Tulia."   
  
"But how... why...?"   
  
"Jarkof and I agreed to go along with it. She has attempted to take her own life on several occasions, so we thought it best not to fight her with this. But we never should have agreed to let her hide you in our house and that plan she had..." Tulia shook her head, unable to bear the shame. "You must trust my word that we would have never forced you into anything against your will. Never."   
  
"Oh, I know you wouldn't, I know... but Tulia..." The acceptance of the truth seemed too much for Daniel, and his widened eyes locked on Sinera's to find confirmation there.   
  
"It was because of her that I decided to find the people who were looking for you. After I learned what had happened in Ghala's house, I really felt that it had gone far enough and as I couldn't possibly force Tulia to abandon her plan, I thought I'd let your friends do it for her."   
  
"So, you..." Daniel had lost his ability to produce complete sentences.   
  
"I showed that man into our house and poor Jarkof had to pay for my mistake." Her gaze rose to admire the beautiful night sky, as if attempting to find absolution in the tremendous glitter of the countless stars. "If only I had been able to find the Jaffa, but instead I bring your jealous lover. Life does know quite a few tricks, now doesn't it?"   
  
"Uh, yeah, it does. I... I can't believe..."   
  
But his circling thoughts were interrupted by Sam's voice.   
  
"Daniel!" her call came more demanding this time. "We have to go!"   
  
Taking a quick glance at his team mates, Daniel had time to register the angry and humiliated look on Ghala's face change into an overly pleasing smile as he limped out of his house to see them off and met Teal'c's fearsome look. And he could also see the light kiss Sam placed on the cheek of an unknown woman.   
  
"I... I should... I have to..."   
  
"I know you do." Sinera smiled. "Will you be back?"   
  
"I... I don't know..." Daniel hated himself for not being able to get anything more meaningful past his lips. "I really don't know."   
  
"You must go with your people, go to the Gods," Sinera said as she took Daniel's hand in her own. "I will take care of Tulia, you need not worry. I have done it for many cycles and will continue to do so for many more."   
  
All Daniel could do was smile and squeeze her hand, hoping the touch would transfer the turmoil of thoughts in his head into something more intelligible.   
  
"Goodbye, Sinera."   
  
"Goodbye, Daniel." 


	4. Round and Round

Chapter 3: Round and Round  
  
By the sterile smell of the bed sheets and the steady beeping of the monitors, Jack felt confident enough that he was in fact in the infirmary to stall the opening of his eyes. There were plenty of images in his head to crowd his mind for days, though most of them quite blurred and disturbingly detached from their context. Jack tried to grab the brief flashes and force them into the pattern he was expecting to see, but they weren't willing to play by his rules and continued to roam around aimlessly and form their own bizarre combinations.   
  
For instance, Jack had a vivid memory of staring at endless amounts of strangely grey sand, at a white stone wall, and at someone's buttocks, though the wrong way around and in awfully familiar green trousers. But in which order these sights had taken place, he did not have the faintest idea.   
  
A good deal more lively were the images of Daniel and yet those were precisely the ones he was attempting to evict from his mind permanently. No one could say that he hadn't had his chance and everyone could say that he had blown it.   
  
"O'Neill, are you awake?"   
  
Hearing Teal'c's voice made Jack give up his stalling tactic and open his eyes.   
  
"Yeah, how d'you know?" he asked, blinking vigorously in order to get used to the fluorescent lamps.   
  
"Your breathing altered."   
  
"Nothing gets past you, does it?" Jack gave the Jaffa a weak smile before turning his head and glancing over the other beds, quite happy to find them empty. "Everyone else okay?"   
  
"Everyone is fine." Teal'c nodded.   
  
Relieved, Jack turned back and let his head fall onto the pillow. The motion had proved amazingly painful, partly because he was lying on his stomach and had nearly suffocated in the clinical smell of the pillow case, but more importantly since he had a swarm of bees playing kamikaze on his back, dropping their little bombs the minute they saw the enemy make a move.   
  
"How long have I been out of it?" he asked through his clenched teeth.   
  
"It has not been long. We will debrief shortly."   
  
"You haven't debriefed yet? Great. Now, if you'll just give me a hand here..." Jack held out his hand to Teal'c for support but the Jaffa was not moving.   
  
"DoctorFraiser did not authorise this."   
  
"I'll authorise it! I'm perfectly fine," Jack muttered angrily, but the tone changed when he tried to push himself up on his elbows, his face twisting as the bees found their target once more. "Or maybe not."   
  
"Do you wish me to retrieve DoctorFraiser?"   
  
But Jack shook his head, biting his tongue so as not to let Teal'c see the pain rushing through his body.   
  
"So," Jack started after the worst had passed. "Mind telling me what the hell happened?"   
  
"Do you not remember, O'Neill?"   
  
"More than I'd like to..."   
  
Teal'c tilted his head questioningly.   
  
"Never mind. Just tell me what happened."   
  
After giving the colonel a brief summary of the course of action, starting from the moment they had split up outside Ghala's house and ending in the infirmary bed, Teal'c fell silent to give Jack time to organise his own memories to fit into the whole story. Even the image of someone's buttocks was now starting to make sense.   
  
"Thanks. For getting me outta there, I mean."   
  
"You are welcome, O'Neill." Teal'c nodded, adding: "But I am not the only one that deserves your gratitude."   
  
"Yeah, tell Carter to pay me a visit after the debriefing."   
  
"I will. But I was referring equally to DanielJackson."   
  
It took more effort than Jack had to spare to fight off the expression of surprise and hopeful delight from his face.   
  
"What..." Jack's mouth felt unusually dry. "What did he do?"   
  
"DanielJackson showed great courage by attacking your captor unarmed."   
  
"You mean Daniel fought this guy with his *fists*?" Jack asked, at the same time knowing both the uniqueness and the oddly pleasing nature of the suggested event.   
  
"No." The short reply caused Jack to let out the air in his lungs, but his vital organs were yet again about to suffer from the lack of oxygen when Teal'c continued: "I believe I saw him make more use of his teeth."   
  
"Daniel *bit* him? My... *Our* Daniel?"   
  
Teal'c's nod was convincing enough to give Jack's overloaded mind the opportunity to run off to places far away from the infirmary bed.   
  
The facts were still hard to grasp. Daniel had done something. He had bitten that man. He cared. Why wouldn't he? Because both of them had been hurt and only one had deserved it. And yet, Daniel had risked his life for him. He actually cared. Again, why? Because he wanted to remain friends. Of course. Or was it just out of guilt? Could be. So like Daniel. That's what he said he had done with Sha're as well. Out of guilt he had told her that he loved her, had helped her baby into this... that world. So loyal. So Daniel. His Daniel. No. His *friend* Daniel. He wouldn't let this destroy their friendship. All else was already destroyed. No. This was a sign. Things would go back to the way they were. Daniel cared. That was something, wasn't it?   
  
"So, where is he?" Jack asked, trying to sound as casual as humanly possible. "Has he been here while I..." His hand drew vague circles into the air, attempting to depict his unconscious state.   
  
"No, he has not. I have not seen DanielJackson since our return."   
  
Only so many words were needed to sink Jack's high hopes back into the deep, dark ocean with a paperweight tied around the part about caring.   
  
Obviously Daniel couldn't care less about him.   
  
"Thanks, Teal'c." Jack smiled at the one that had stuck by him.   
  
"You are still welcome, O'Neill."   
  
"I see our patient's up."   
  
Through the blur, Jack could make out Janet's face, appearing next to Teal'c.   
  
"Hi, doc," he replied to the cheerful voice. "Don't know about the 'up', though."   
  
"I had to give you some strong pain killers, so you'll be a bit disoriented for a while before the antibiotics kick in," Janet said, checking the bandages on Jack's back and making notes to the chart as she went along.   
  
"Hey, watch it, will ya?!" Jack cried out as Janet pulled down the sheet and uncovered his bare behind. "We have company!"   
  
Smilingly ignoring the protest, Janet went on with her examination, and to her satisfaction, she found the wounds healing nicely.   
  
"There doesn't appear to be much of an infection; whatever they treated you with must have worked." And to Jack's satisfaction, she pulled the sheet back up. "You know, I could really use that medicine they had..."   
  
"Nuh-uh," Jack interrupted her. "There's no way I'm going back to that place! No way in hell!"   
  
"Calm down, colonel," Janet said, gently but firmly pushing Jack's head back onto the pillow. "You're not going anywhere for a long while."   
  
"I'm telling you, I'm fine," he muttered, but let the good doctor tuck him in all the same. "And I have a debriefing to attend to."   
  
"We'll see about that then," Janet replied evasively.   
  
But the outburst had taken its toll and Jack was slipping over the line of consciousness again, his eyelids pulling together like magnets and the dream world calling him by his name.   
  
"I... I think I'll rest a while... just a little nap... wake me up before the... the..."   
  
And he was out.   
  
"Come on, Teal'c, we'd better let him sleep," Janet said, lowering her voice, though quite certain no sound would penetrate the wall of exhaustion and drugs.   
  
"I will remain," was Teal'c's monotonous yet determined answer.   
  
And as she was leaving the room, Janet took one last look back and found the Jaffa sitting up straight by the colonel's bed exactly the way he had been for hours; the faithful watchman never abandoning his post.   
  
*****   
  
Daniel stared at the empty chair across the table. The debriefing was well on its way, but as long as Sam appeared willing to be in the spotlight, lobbying her opinion to the general that another team would have to be sent to Vun'tah to convince the people to bury the Gate permanently, Daniel could concentrate on staring at the empty chair.   
  
Hearing Teal'c's voice, as he remarked something of no importance to Daniel at the moment, made him even more painstakingly aware of Jack's absence, since the Jaffa had been there, had been to the infirmary and had been with Jack. Daniel knew he should have gone to see him, but something had stood stubbornly in the way, pushing him in the opposite direction, to restless rest and sleepless sleep in the upper bed while listening to Sam's steady breathing from below. Impossible as it was to avoid meeting Jack eventually, he was inclined to postpone that undoubtedly awkward encounter as far into the future as he could, hoping that time would present him with the words needed to patch things up, to make things right again; no matter whether it meant regressing back to the era of friendship or progressing to something he did not dare to think about.   
  
The pen in his hand had found a life of its own, shuttling between his fingers as if weaving a fabric in the handloom. However, this fabric formed no recognisable pattern; nothing but a psychedelic mixture of dozens of invisible colours, none of them resembling and all of them contradicting the other.   
  
He had used to love watching Jack in situations like this. Although at times it had felt like he would spontaneously combust if he couldn't reach out and touch the man, there had always been that element of secrecy involved, that he knew something about the colonel no one else did, that he had been initiated into this esoteric society that had its own private codes and signals which only the two members were able to interpret. And it hadn't mattered that he wasn't, and probably never would be, able to just shout out the name of that society to everyone, as enjoyable as that thought might have been. More important had been that Daniel had imagined reading the same thoughts in Jack's eyes, seeing the reflection of his own feelings in them. But there was a clear line between reflection and projection.   
  
Animi sedem esse in oculis, as the Latin saying went - the seat of the soul is in the eyes. And it was that seat that needed to be questioned. Not Jack's, but his own.   
  
"Doctor Jackson, still with us?"   
  
General Hammond's voice stopped the pen's journey in Daniel's hand.   
  
"Uh... yes. What was the question again?"   
  
"What happened to you on that planet?" The general repeated the question in all its simplicity. "I understand you were held as a prisoner?"   
  
"No, not really..." Daniel said surprising all four in the room. "It was uh... a little more complicated than that."   
  
Seeing no other way out of the scrutiny of the general and his team mates, Daniel gave them a summarised version of his stay in Vun'tah, leaving out more than keeping in. There was no reason for them to hear what didn't concern them in any case. The main thing was that those people had saved his life and for motives better left unknown to the rest of the world, they had concealed his presence from the others, this way keeping him from ending up in the fields doing hard labour. Their customs bore no significance to anyone outside the humanities faculty and therefore could be shoved aside to a place only Sam and possibly Teal'c were interested enough to look. All the Air Force needed to know was that they possessed no technology useful to them, that these were poor people with nothing to offer to anyone. Except to Daniel.   
  
Their hasty exit was easily explained by Jack justifiably misreading the situation and thinking Daniel had indeed been a prisoner, and this in turn had started a chain of events that would keep SG-1 from ever returning to J5X-112 in a peaceful manner. Or at least Jack and Daniel: the former having anything but warm memories of the place, to put it mildly, and as for the latter... The thought of facing Jarkof again was far too painful for Daniel even to be considered. He wished he could have been more concerned about the future of Vun'tah, but at times, even the most virtuous principles have to step aside and give way to the seemingly lesser ones, those purely egoistic in nature, before which all decency must kneel; to acknowledge the superiority of emotions. There were too many personal issues involved for him to expand his horizon beyond the limits of this world. And as no diplomatic relations with Vun'tah would most likely be seen necessary by this utilitarian establishment, there was nothing he could have done for them, anyhow.   
  
"So, you have no knowledge of why these people kept you hidden in their house?" General Hammond asked after Daniel had finished his listener's digest.   
  
Daniel thought about the probable motives he had to choose from.   
  
"Tulia, the woman who found me, she... She was disturbed."   
  
"In what way?"   
  
"She was insane," Daniel blurted out without thinking further. "Tulia was crazy and that's why... She was crazy."   
  
Just saying those words out loud broke something inside of him. What right did he have to accuse anyone of insanity? How sane had his own actions been lately?   
  
As Sam took over once more, giving the General a thorough description of the star cluster the planet belonged to, Daniel drifted away again. Some article that he had read years ago kept hovering in his mind. It had been on what they called 'antipsychiatry', the rejection of the whole concept of mental illness on the basis that the mind cannot be ill. There are only numerous forms of behaviour, some of which we do not fully understand and for this reason categorise as something negative, as sickness. By that token, Tulia was just as 'sane' as everyone else, only that she had developed a view of the world that differed from that of the others. If she were to be labelled as merely sick, then so should everyone else, including Daniel himself.   
  
Tulia had fallen in love with an image. Why it had been a man and not woman, as would have been culturally more consistent, Daniel could not say. Perhaps she had unconsciously looked for something unattainable and therefore safe, in a way protecting herself from disappointments as the object of her emotions was impossible on more than one level. But the idea of loving something 'made up' was what intrigued Daniel.   
  
When he had decided to end his relationship with Jack, he had felt that this was not the man he had fallen in love with. And now it was all put in a different light against the backcloth of Tulia's unfortunate love affair. Could it be possible that he, likewise, had painted his own picture of Jack, adding unconsciously some minor elements to the landscape to accentuate his own hopes and expectations? Had his eyes seen more in Jack's than there in reality had been?   
  
The hand, sliding slowly over his, made Daniel turn his eyes back to the outside world. The debriefing had apparently come to an end and the room was empty except for Sam and himself.   
  
"Daniel, I know this is none of my business," Sam started hesitantly, "but whatever it is you're not telling to the military, there's one person in this base that ought to hear the rest of it."   
  
She knew. Or suspected. Either way, Daniel was strangely relieved to hear he wasn't alone.   
  
"Sam, I did something stupid. I don't think he will ever forgive me for that."   
  
"Of course he will. He's not as inhuman as he'd like people to think."   
  
"I'm not so sure about that." Daniel managed to give her a quick grin. "But what am I supposed to say to him? Somehow none of it seems real any more..."   
  
"I know what you mean." Sam nodded and squeezed his hand gently. "That whole place was so surreal, as if you weren't in the place, but the place was in you."   
  
Daniel's eyes met Sam's and a smile was exchanged as a sign of mutual understanding There was no need for Sam to share her own unexpected encounter with Elila, especially since she wasn't sure what to make of it yet; it was enough to let Daniel know that she shared his feelings and confusion.   
  
The same notion of the place taking over its visitors had crossed Daniel's mind as well and brought with it a recollection of the Carnival in early modern Europe. There had been a similar aspect of turning things around; darkness into light and death into life. The Carnival had its own set of rules only to be applied for that short period of time the feast lasted. It was a time drawn apart from the everyday and it was a time of oppositions, shaping the whole world according to basic binary principles. Ultimately, the Carnival had accentuated the existing order by underlining the acknowledged differences between concepts: darkness could be turned into light only if there was a clear idea of what both of them were.   
  
Carnivalesque was the only appropriate word to be used when talking about their stay in Vun'tah. The fete had sucked him into its whirl, absorbed him efficiently enough to make him forget all about life outside it and do something he would regret for the rest of his life. But now it was time to return to the old and to reap the whirlwind.   
  
"I don't think he'll want to see me ever again, and who could blame him for that."   
  
"Daniel, you weren't here when you weren't... well, *because* you weren't here," Sam said, a laughter tingling on her lips as she realised the paradox she was building. "I've never seen him like that. He was..." But as there were no words to describe the terrible mess Jack had plunged himself into after Daniel's disappearance, Sam could only shake her head and try to pass the message through her eyes.   
  
"Something happened between you two before the mission?"   
  
It was more of a statement than a question but Daniel nodded anyway.   
  
"Well, it's obvious you mean a lot to him. A lot, Daniel. And I assume it goes both ways?"   
  
Yet again, not a question, but Daniel lifted his gaze from the table to take one more look at the empty chair.   
  
"I can only be sure of one way," he muttered.   
  
"No, Daniel." Sam's hold tightened to draw his attention to her and what she had to say. "I saw it. I saw *him*. You have to talk it out, whatever it is. What you two have, it... it gives hope to everyone around you."   
  
Daniel's head turned to the woman next to him. There was something ambiguous in her voice, a degree of resignation that was in the process of being overshadowed by a new wave of confidence. In what, he could not tell.   
  
Most importantly, Sam had seen it, she had witnessed what Daniel had only dared to hope.   
  
"You have to go talk to him."   
  
"I will," Daniel promised. "Soon."   
  
There was no loophole open for him. He would have to slaughter his pride and crawl right to the source of it all.   
  
****   
  
The infirmary was lifeless except for one bed and the chair next to it. Daniel wasn't sure how long he had been standing in the doorway, listening to the silence of the room, which was broken only by the sound of the monitor, drawing a green curve across the black screen.   
  
He felt a hand on his shoulder and absentmindedly turned to face Doctor Fraiser, who had appeared at his side.   
  
"Is he...?" Daniel asked, pointing his finger at Jack's bed.   
  
"He's sleeping. You can go in if you will. The drugs should wear off soon."   
  
But to Janet's surprise, Daniel shook his head and leaned against the door frame. Coming that far had taken more than he had feared and going further was not an option.   
  
"I think I'll keep him here overnight, just to be on the safe side," she continued as Daniel remained silent. "Although, I'm sure the colonel will disagree with me."   
  
Still receiving no answer, Janet turned to have a look at what it was Daniel seemed to be hypnotised by. All she could see was Teal'c, seated in the chair by the colonel's bed, his back towards the door and unable to see them. The minute the debriefing had been over, the Jaffa had returned to his post.   
  
"Daniel," she started, waiting for the man to turn his eyes to her. "Is everything all right?"   
  
"No..." he said quietly, but then, as if remembering he wasn't alone, he continued: "Yeah, I'm fine."   
  
"Well, you don't look fine. Anything you'd like to talk to me about?"   
  
"No, not really."   
  
"Daniel," Janet said, the ring of suspicion and concern clear in her voice, "you know where to find me if something does come up."   
  
"Yeah, I know. But I'm fine, just... fine," Daniel repeated, knowing he didn't succeed in convincing anyone.   
  
Evidently their voices had carried to Teal'c's ears, for he stood up and walked over to them.   
  
"DanielJackson," he greeted. "I will leave if you wish to stay with O'Neill."   
  
"No, no... I... I really should get back to, uh..." Daniel stuttered, raising his finger to his lips and tapping them as if trying to remember what it was he was supposed to do. "I should go."   
  
And leaving two people to exchange a questioning look, Daniel was on his way down the corridor without the faintest idea of where to or what for.   
  
****   
  
Leaning his head against his hands - the only things still keeping it in an upright position - Daniel lifted his tired eyes from the file on his desk that he had been looking at for the past fifteen minutes, though seeing only some black curlicues against a white background. He was quite certain that they stood for something, had some very familiar meaning, but whatever it was had escaped his mind long since.   
  
Who was responsible for making this world so damn complicated? Whose twisted idea had it been to make life not a straight line, as one would so innocently assume, but instead a crooked series of ornaments, filled with unexpected curves and turns and... dead-ends?   
  
His head dropped through his hands and banged hard against the table. Dead-end was starting to sound almost appealing, giving this mess at least some kind of closure, though certainly not the one Daniel had been hoping for. Hope. The archenemy of all living things. As the notion of an alliance between the old comrades - not-knowing, speculating and hoping - and the newest recruit, guilty conscience, hit Daniel with all its poisonous force, so did his head hit the table yet again.   
  
It was so obviously unfair: he had had to suffer from the excruciating guesswork and naïve optimism for weeks, only to mess it all up by spending one meaningless night with another man, convinced that it had been the new beginning, that he had merely taken the first step on the path of self-respect, that he had moved on. The hell he had. He was standing exactly in the same spot as two days ago, or two months ago. Nothing had changed, except that he had become even more aware of the unfairness of the world, since not even the finality of his mistake - his stupid, stupid mistake! - had proved enough to take down the leader of the triumvirate, and as a result, hope was still turning its jagged knife in his regularly salted wound.   
  
Why did it have to be so complicated? Why couldn't people just come right out and say what they thought and what they wanted? Maybe the root of the problem was buried in those very three words - saying, thinking and doing. The anthropologist in him should have known better, should have remembered that the basic distinction was always present between what people 'said', what they actually 'thought', and what they eventually 'did'. It was the middle one that Daniel was after, knowing it could never be reached. He would have to settle with what Jack said he wanted and try to find some confirmation in his actions to back it up. So damn complicated.   
  
If only he could get his hands on the guilty one that stood behind this distorted formation... No pardons would be granted, no extenuating circumstances taken into account; no, this unknown entity should be made to suffer and face an end suited to the severity of its crimes against all humanity. This was the true destroyer of worlds. At least his world.   
  
Just thinking about the sleepless nights he was bound to experience if the loose ends weren't tied up, if even the tiniest crack was left in the wall for hope to push its obstinate head through, was enough to give Daniel the strength he needed to confront Jack. For, how much more could his love for Jack hurt him?   
  
If there was an end to it all, he would find it.   
  
****   
  
A light tap on Teal'c's shoulder and a quiet whisper: "Uh, Teal'c, would you mind...?"   
  
It was all that was needed of Daniel to get the Jaffa to stand up and walk out of the infirmary without making questions Daniel wouldn't have been able to give answers to, anyhow.   
  
"Jack? It's me. Can you hear me, Jack?"   
  
No reply. Jack's eyelids were moving rapidly; he was dreaming.   
  
After a moment's hesitation, Daniel decided not to wake him up, although the thought was quite tempting, considering how far he had already come. But the man was fast asleep and Daniel didn't have the heart to wake him only for his own selfish purposes, and so he resigned himself to sitting down in the still warm chair and merely looking at the sleeping colonel.   
  
"Jack," he began, clearing his throat and leaning closer to keep his words away from the ears of any possible others. "I don't know what else to say, but that I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Jack."   
  
Hearing footsteps behind him, Daniel turned around and waited until the person had passed.   
  
"I didn't want it to end like this," he muttered. "I wanted you to tell me not to go, to stop me, to say that... say anything. But it's not too late, Jack. Just say the word and I... It's not too late."   
  
Carefully he pulled his hand back just before it was about to touch Jack's cheek and instead, tracking down the outline of his face, Daniel drew his features into the air and down to his memory.   
  
He had no right to interfere with his sleep, nor with his life.   
  
"What am I doing here?" Daniel asked more to himself than the sleeping man. "Why in the world am I talking to you when you can't even hear me? I must be insane."   
  
There was that word again. Insane. Maybe he was. Did it matter?   
  
"I... I'm going to go now. Goodbye, Jack."   
  
Quietly Daniel got up and leaned closer to Jack to whisper his last words into the man's ear, before walking hurriedly out of the infirmary.   
  
Deep in his thoughts, Daniel ran head first into Teal'c, who was standing right outside the door, waiting for him.   
  
"Are you leaving, DanielJackson?"   
  
"Uh, yeah. I think I'll go home," Daniel said without stopping.   
  
Teal'c nodded, but as he was about to return to the infirmary and to the colonel, the man came running back and grabbed his arm.   
  
"Wait!" Daniel said, panting. "Uh, Teal'c... Don't tell Jack that I was here, okay?"   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Uh, just... don't." There was no rational explanation; only a vague instinct, an obscure feeling. "Can you do that for me?"   
  
"I will not lie to O'Neill," Teal'c replied after a moment's pause and looked at Daniel with obvious wonder. "No, no... It's not lying, only leaving something out, leaving it unsaid. Not lying."   
  
Again, Teal'c paused, but then, evidently accepting the distinction between these two concepts, he gave Daniel a nod of affirmation.   
  
"Very well. I will not tell O'Neill what he does not ask me."   
  
"Good. I think. Thanks, Teal'c."   
  
Daniel turned to go, but now it was the Jaffa's turn to stop him.   
  
"How are you feeling, DanielJackson?"   
  
"I'm fine, Teal'c." Daniel was speaking fast, anxious to get out of the mountain, to get some fresh air into his body. "Couldn't be better."   
  
"You appear to be agitated. Do you wish to share the cause of it?"   
  
"Why is everyone suddenly so goddamn interested in listening to what I have to say?!" Daniel exclaimed with an odd grin on his face. "Now, that would be the first time!"   
  
The eyebrow rose in its familiar manner, revealing the question behind it.   
  
"I'm sorry, Teal'c," Daniel muttered, rubbing his eyes, rubbing the anger away. "I'm a bit tired. I'm sorry."   
  
Still not giving Teal'c any answers and not staying around long enough to be asked for any, Daniel was already hurrying down the corridor and as far away from Jack and the inquisition as his legs would carry.   
  
****   
  
It is night but not dark. Jack is lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, where a tiny moth is doing loops in the air right over his head. It starts its performance with a couple of easy looking eight's, then moving on to more complex shapes, stopping every now and then as if to receive its applause. It's too beautiful for Jack to take his eyes off of it, has so much grace in its every move; it really looks like it's enjoying life to the last drop.   
  
All the time, the insect seems to be coming closer, getting bigger with every new loop, until Jack can feel the air current on his face. And the better he sees it, the more little details catch his attention. It's body is covered with thick hair and its dark wings have large black spots on them and its eyes... Jack can see his own reflection in the creature's eyes.   
  
That is when he realises the insect is not only coming closer; it has also grown and is now the size of his head. He tries to get up but it is already too late as the moth lands on his stomach, pressing him back down with surprising force. Although escape is all he can think about, Jack finds himself strangely paralysed, unable to do anything but stare at his own face in the black eyes. There is something calming in them, something quite pleasing in the touch of the moth's legs on his body.   
  
Slowly, the insect starts to crawl upwards, flapping its wings against Jack's sides and waving its feelers in front of his face. He can feel its weight on his chest, making his breathing ever more difficult and just as he is about to gather his strength and free himself from its hold, it suddenly moves onto his face. With disgust Jack spits out the hair from his mouth and for some reason, he lets out a scream; a wordless, formless, meaningless scream. His fists beating the creature, now half his own size, he can feel the air leaving him along with the sound, can taste fear at its bitterest.   
  
And then it is gone. As quickly as it landed, it's up in the air again, rising higher and higher until it touches the stars. Gasping for air, Jack gets up and staggers towards the door. Finally reaching it after what seems like an eternity, although he knows the distance from the bed to the door is less than ten feet, he leans his head against the wall and waits for his breathing to slow down. His mind barely has the time to register the sound of laughter coming from behind him and then there's only one strong push at his back and he is sent down onto the floor. Seeing the shadow of the wings sweeping over him, Jack is overcome by a sense of hatred, pure anger and in that instant he decides that he will catch that creature and kill it with his own hands, that he won't be able to rest before it is dead.   
  
But the insect is fleeing down the corridor and he loses sight of it. Jack takes a look around. It isn't his house anymore and there is no door to the bedroom where he just come from, only a white-washed stone wall that seems to go on endlessly. And yet, it's all familiar somehow, although he doesn't recognise any of it. But it doesn't matter where he is; it only matters where the moth is. Of course. The light. It isn't dark enough to be night, so the light has to come from somewhere and that's where the thing is bound to be heading as well. He needs to find the source of that light.   
  
Jack picks up his pace, only to fall over in the soft sand under his feet. The further he gets, the lighter the corridor becomes until he's sure it isn't even night any longer. Occasionally he thinks he hears the laughter again and that makes him run even faster and also fall down more often, but the urge to kill is too strong to let him turn back.   
  
At the end of the corridor is a large round room and in the opposite curve of it lies the source of the light. But it's now too bright for Jack to make out what it is and almost blinded he begins to hunt his prey.   
  
'Come here, you son of a bitch!' he shouts, but to his surprise, he can't hear his own voice.   
  
The room is burning hot, as if he is standing in the hearth of a fire, but Jack has no intention of giving up. He wants his kill.   
  
'What are you looking for, O'Neill?'   
  
'Teal'c?' Jack asks, turning to the voice, but although he can hear the Jaffa talk to him, no sound is coming out of his own mouth. 'You gotta help me. I have to find this huge bug.'   
  
'Why are you here, O'Neill?'   
  
'Help me!' Jack shouts at him from the top of his lungs. 'You gotta help me find it! I know it's here! Help--'   
  
Jack's words are cut short as he stumbles down on his knees. The familiar laughter echoes from the walls and right before his eyes Teal'c's place is taken by the giant moth, skimming Jack's face with its wings as it flies past him.   
  
'You son of a bitch!' Jack screams again, not caring whether the creature hears it or not. 'I will get you! You hear! You're mine!'   
  
He runs after the laughter, following it deeper into the light, but the heat is proving too much for him. Feverishly he begins to tear off his shirt and after that the rest of his clothes until he has nothing but a glass jar and its top in his hands.   
  
'I will catch you!' he calls out into the bright light and takes a step forward as a sign of determination.   
  
But his prey is far from helpless and all Jack sees is a dark figure, appearing from the light and hitting him onto the ground. It takes a while for him to realise that the burning in his back isn't caused by the heat but by the enormous claws this creature seems to have grown and dug deep under his skin. Still laughing, it tears the skin off, takes the flesh and leaves the bones before fleeing again into the light to enjoy its loot.   
  
Grimacing, Jack pushes himself up, feeling the blood stream down his back. As he is about to prepare for another attack, he suddenly recognises a voice, half-buried under the terrifying laughter of his tormentor.   
  
"Jack?"   
  
'Daniel? Is that you?' he asks, unable to see anything from bright light.   
  
"Can you hear me, Jack?"   
  
'Daniel!' Jack cries out in relief. 'You will help me, won't ya? You gotta tell me where it is, where that bug is and then I'll catch it, I'll catch it for you, Daniel!'   
  
Hearing Daniel's voice gives him the courage to take a few more steps into the light, but at the same time his presence makes Jack somewhat uncomfortable and he feels the need to cover himself, placing the glass jar over his groin.   
  
"I'm sorry, Jack."   
  
The light is dimming, taking Daniel's voice with it and a wave a despair hits over Jack as he watches the only two things he wants in the world both running out of his reach.   
  
'No! Daniel, you can't go! You gotta help me!'   
  
His eyes are beginning to see better as the light goes out but he still can't find Daniel's face among the others, now appearing from the darkness around him. They all look the same, faces without features and talking over one another, making it impossible for him to distinguish where Daniel's voice is coming from. And the laughter is still there, circling over his head, teasing him, knowing there is nothing he can do as his hands are tied holding the jar in the right place.   
  
'Daniel, I can't do this alone! Hey, Danny, I need ya!'   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
'No!' Jack screams and runs after the laughter. 'There! I can see it! Wait, Daniel! I can see it!'   
  
And forgetting he is naked, Jack raises his hands in the air, holds out the open jar and as soon as the moth is inside, he slams the lid on it.   
  
'I got it! Look, Daniel!' he shouts out his triumph. 'It's yours, take it! I caught it for you!'   
  
But Daniel's voice is already being swallowed by the darkness, with only fragments loud enough for Jack to hear.   
  
"...end...too late...sorry...Jack...I love you, Jack..."   
  
'No, you can't go! Stop!' Jack shouts but the light is already gone, leaving nothing but a faint memory of its existence behind.   
  
Jack lifts the jar to his face and for a moment he enjoys the beauty of the moth as it bounces from the glass walls.   
  
Without breaking the silence, Jack flings the jar into the air, watching it shatter into tiny pieces as it hits the stars, the moth disappearing into the night to find another light.   
  
He holds out his arms and prepares to receive the silver shower of broken glass.   
  
****   
  
Jack opened his eyes but saw only lights and shadows around him and a dark figure leaning closer to him. "Daniel?"   
  
"He is not here, O'Neill."   
  
"Teal'c?" Jack asked, at the same time relieved and disappointed to find the Jaffa sitting next to his bed. "You're not gonna turn into a bug, are you?"   
  
"No, I believe I am not," Teal'c replied, somewhat surprised by the colonel's question.   
  
"Good." Jack closed his eyes again and pressed his face against the pillow. "I just had this... bizarre dream and Daniel was there and he said he-" He suddenly paused, realising he wasn't talking only to himself. "Anyway, he was there and the big hairy bug was there and you were there and-"   
  
"And there is no place like home," Teal'c completed the sentence.   
  
Hearing this unexpected proof that his remarks hadn't been completely lost on the Jaffa, Jack pushed himself up on his elbows and gave Teal'c an appreciative smile.   
  
"Teal'c, my friend, you never - and I mean *never* - cease to amaze me."   
  
"I will attempt not to disappoint you, O'Neill," Teal'c said and the hint of a smile on his lips didn't go unnoticed by Jack.   
  
"So, you haven't seen Daniel?"   
  
"I have seen him many times."   
  
"I meant *today*, Teal'c."   
  
"Yes, I saw DanielJackson at the debriefing."   
  
"But after that? You don't know where he is now?"   
  
"No, I do not," Teal'c said, ignoring the first part of the question. "He said he was tired. Perhaps he went home to rest."   
  
So, the man was tired. Who wasn't? Jack still found it hard to believe that he couldn't be bothered to come and say hello, much less spit out the words Jack knew were bound to come. That's what the Daniel in his dream had been trying to say, that this was the end and they would both have to accept it.   
  
And yet Jack couldn't let go of the words he was certain he had heard just before Daniel's voice had disappeared with the light. They didn't fit the bigger picture, they were the annoying little stain in the bottom corner that you simply can't look away from. Jack could feel the funny little man called optimism break free from the back room of his mind and start producing these unrealistic scenarios and speculations of what Daniel had actually meant. But it was equally possible that he had merely heard him wrong.   
  
What difference did it make? It was his dream, his creation, and had nothing to do with reality. Daniel had already left him in this world and found someone else in another, so what was the point of analysing one stupid, meaningless dream?   
  
Although not having any idea what the moth had stood for and not even all that interested in finding it out, Jack was quite convinced that the main thing had been Daniel walking away, walking out on him. All that was now needed was that one final act, the unavoidable closure, and after that the forgetting. But he would not go to Daniel to play his part in that act. No, Jack would wait for the mountain to come to him, and knowing the stubbornness of that mountain, he was certain that it would come. 


	5. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
The knocking on the door wouldn't stop. Jack had been fast asleep when the disturbance started and he did his best to ignore it, but his molester was relentless.   
  
"Okay, okay! I'm coming, I'm coming... "   
  
Sure, he knew who it was - who else could it have been? - and even though he didn't feel he was ready for the big confrontation yet, he couldn't resist the temptation of answering.   
  
"What do you want?" Jack asked coldly and watched Daniel's gaze drop down to his feet.   
  
"To talk," the man said, raising his eyes to meet Jack's and experiencing a sudden weakness in his knees as he saw the messy grey hair sticking straight up the way Daniel knew and loved. "Can I come in?"   
  
"Why?" Jack asked, doing his best to keep the tone of his voice as icy as he possibly could to hide the fact that Daniel's visit and its purpose was not all that unexpected.   
  
"You really want your entire neighbourhood to hear what I have to say?"   
  
"No, why would there be anything for us to talk about?"   
  
Daniel looked baffled.   
  
"Uh... because," he managed to murmur.   
  
Taking a look around, Jack decided this discussion would indeed be better taken indoors.   
  
"Oh, well, in that case..." he said, making an exaggerated gesture with his hand and a mock bow to show Daniel in. "Be my guest."   
  
Out of old habit, Daniel chose the left end of the couch and sunk deep into the soft cushions.   
  
"Mind if I don't sit down?" Jack asked, not expecting an answer. "These days I can only lie on my face or stand, so..."   
  
Standing was unquestionably the only thinkable option.   
  
Daniel sat staring blindly at the table, not seeing the coffee cup stains, nor the months-old magazines. For, where is one to start when the mind runs simultaneously on several separate tracks? Where's the point of origin when the thoughts form a closed circle, blend the beginning into the end? How is one to translate the cyclical into the linear, melt the ring of emotion and forge it into the line of logic?   
  
"So...?" Jack asked, breaking down the suffocating silence.   
  
"So..." Daniel was stalling, as he had no idea where to start this inevitably laborious journey.   
  
"So, what?"   
  
"So, you're just going to leave it like this?"   
  
"As far as I'm concerned, there never was any... 'it'."   
  
"Jack, you can't simply deny the last two months ever happened."   
  
"You just watch me!" Jack said smilingly.   
  
"Deny everything... Oh, that's clever."   
  
"No-o," Jack said, stretching the word to make it seem like he needed to think it through before answering. "No, I'm not feeling too clever right now, not at all."   
  
"Don't do this, Jack, don't..." Daniel said, shaking his head.   
  
"And why not? *You* broke up with me and *you* went to bed with another man."   
  
"And that is what I'm here to talk about. But we can't have a serious discussion if you take on that, that... that martyr's outfit."   
  
"Hey, I'm the one that got screwed - oops! - wait, that's *you*," Jack said, giving Daniel the warmest of his smiles. "So, bring me the matches, 'cos I'm ready for the stake!"   
  
But one cold look was enough to freeze the smile.   
  
"This is not how I pictured this, not even close," Daniel sighed, resting his head against his hands and rubbing his eyes behind the glasses. "There's so much I have to explain to you. And even more I need you to explain."   
  
"Look, I really don't care..." Jack started, but was cut off by Daniel, suddenly raising his voice and jumping up from the couch.   
  
"You're damn well going to listen to me, Jack!"   
  
"Okay, okay..." Jack tried to calm down the man's unexpected outburst. "Anywhere in particular you'd like to start?"   
  
Daniel gave him an angry glance, then, clearly holding himself back, he walked to the other side of the room to get some distance from the key figure in the tangle of thoughts he was about to launch out into the ether.   
  
"I... I feel like I'm trapped inside this giant pinball-machine, that I'm banging my head against every single wall and bouncing back and forth between dream and reality, and yet the score isn't getting any bigger."   
  
"So, you thought you'd score with someone else instead."   
  
Jack's remark stopped his word flow and Daniel had to pause to swallow down the lump in his throat.   
  
"You really want to know why I slept with Jarkof?"   
  
"Jarkof..." Jack said, tasting the name of that lucky bastard. "No, please, spare me the details. I had eggs for breakfast and it tastes like hell the second time around."   
  
"Jack..."   
  
"Honestly, Daniel. Your little orgies were left out of the mission report and I'd really like to keep them way," - Jack made an illustrative gesture with his hand - "*way* out there."   
  
"It wasn't an..." Daniel began but couldn't bring himself to say the word. "I didn't know Tulia was going to be there, it wasn't planned!"   
  
"But as she happened to be passing by and wouldn't take no for an answer, that kinda settled it, right?"   
  
Frustrated by the pathetic failure his attempts to make Jack listen had proved to be, Daniel was pacing the room, keeping his distance from the man so as not to let his packed feelings get the upper hand. As painful as it was, this would have to be done now; there could be no more time-outs, no more delays.   
  
"Daniel..." Jack said in a temperate tone, as if stressing his desire for reconciliation. "We were broken up at the time, so what do I care if you fuck half the galaxy? As far as I'm concerned, that has nothing to do with me."   
  
"And exactly how far are you concerned?" Daniel asked, catching Jack's repetition of the same phrase, while burning with anger for his cheap shots. "How far, Jack?"   
  
"Oh, I dunno... eight or nine inches, maybe..." he muttered, looking down as if measuring the distance. "On a good day."   
  
"I knew it, I knew it..." Daniel sighed as he leant against the window sill. The day was absolutely gorgeous and under different circumstances the sight of the bright green leaves, as the sunlight filtered through them, would have captured his eye, but the dark and depressing atmosphere of the room was enough to obstruct such a beautiful view from entering the minds of those caught inside of it. "I knew it was all about sex. I knew it."   
  
"So, now that you know everything, are we done?" Jack asked, at the same time hoping and fearing a negative answer.   
  
"Can you honestly say it meant nothing to you?" Daniel asked with an uncharacteristic sting in his voice. "It was *nothing* to see me go down on someone else? 'Cos you definitely didn't sound like it."   
  
"Yeah, it was nothing. Just wanted to kill that bastard in an excruciating way."   
  
"Why?" Daniel asked, leaving the window and walking towards Jack, who was standing on the other side of the room. "Because you thought he was hurting me? Or because he gave me something you couldn't?"   
  
"He was sitting on your arms, for cryin' out loud! Of course I thought he was hurting you!" Jack shouted, ignoring how much of it was carried out through the open window and into his neighbours' ears. "And is that it? None of this would ever have happened if I'd just let you... you know..."   
  
"No, that is not the point! God, Jack! You think that I'm that... that, that...."   
  
"That big a slut?"   
  
The word came as a total surprise to both of them. Daniel's body was shaking all over with humiliation and anger as he pushed his way past Jack and headed for the front door.   
  
Only at the door did he turn to take one last look of the man that had insulted him in the worst way imaginable and found Jack lying on the floor, cursing silently as the waves of pain rushed through him. Daniel's push had thrown him off balance and back against the wall, the wounds now opening again and staining his white T-shirt in blood.   
  
"I... I'm sorry..." Daniel muttered as he stormed over to him. The draught slammed the door shut behind him, the loud bang of it making him skip and lose his own balance, finally landing down on his hands and knees on the floor. "I'm sorry, Jack... I didn't mean to..."   
  
"I deserved that. Now, would you please leave."   
  
"Jack..."   
  
"Get out of my house!"   
  
But Daniel was in no condition to move; all he could do was sit there on his knees and watch the red stains grow bigger on Jack's back.   
  
"I'm sorry..." he mumbled.   
  
"Don't be." Jack's voice was cold and indifferent. "Like I said, I deserved it. Now, leave me alone."   
  
"At least let me do something for those wounds," Daniel said desperately. "You're bleeding, Jack..."   
  
"All you can do is leave!" Jack managed to get up on his feet and started limping towards the bedroom, hoping Daniel would obey his order, and yet at the same time praying he would do the honourable thing and defy it.   
  
And for Daniel there was no question of which. Watching Jack fall face down onto the bed, he tried to catch his runaway thoughts, keep his temper under control in order to get his point through to Jack.   
  
"You have trouble hearing?" Jack asked seemingly annoyed, as he noticed the man standing in the doorway with his hands folded on his chest, the all too familiar stubbornness written over his face.   
  
"Nothing wrong with my ears. I heard you perfectly."   
  
Both knew the one particular word he was referring to.   
  
"Daniel, I said I was sorry and I think I already paid for it," Jack muttered, pressing his face against the pillow.   
  
"And when is my mistake paid for?" Daniel's question came with such determination and demand, that Jack was forced to lift his head up to take a look at the man behind the words.   
  
"I couldn't give you... something. So, you went out and got it somewhere else. I fail to see the problem here."   
  
"This is the problem!" Daniel's voice rose, making his whole body tremble as it grew louder. "You jump straight into the conclusion that it was all to do with sex!"   
  
"I'm not jumping - I'm being pushed!"   
  
"Well, not by me you are!" Daniel exclaimed, painfully aware of the reference to the earlier incident. "For your information, there's much more to it than that!"   
  
"Then enlighten me," Jack hissed between his clenched teeth.   
  
"First let me do something for that back of yours."   
  
"As long as it doesn't involve a whip."   
  
"Just shut up, Jack." Daniel's words came with such a coldness as to make Jack shiver in the warm afternoon-sun, streaming in through the window. "Stay still. I'll go get a bandage for you."   
  
It didn't take Daniel long to find the supplies needed to dress the opened wounds and carefully pulling up Jack's shirt, he started the painful but inevitable task.   
  
"So, while you're hurting me," Jack muttered against the pillow, "mind letting me in on this little adventure of yours?"   
  
Daniel ignored the implied insult and decided to dignify him with an undeserved answer, in a way pleased that Jack showed some interest in the matter, after all.   
  
"I slept with Jarkof because I wanted to have sex with someone without any emotional baggage breathing down my neck, to do the same thing you were doing," he blurted out in one single breath. "I wanted to feel free."   
  
"Free? And how was I tying you down? Apart from those couple of times..."   
  
Daniel shook his head to himself, lowering his gaze to his hands that were now stained with Jack's blood, as if to find there the way to make the owner of that substance understand the point he was so desperately trying to make.   
  
Hearing no reply and not even expecting to receive one, Jack pushed himself up from the bed and started pacing around the bedroom.   
  
"H-hey, wait! Your back..."   
  
"You wanted to be free," he repeated to himself, coldly ignoring Daniel's worry about the undressed wounds. "Well, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I couldn't give you your 'freedom', I'm sorry I couldn't let you touch me and I'm sorry... I'm just sorry, okay?!"   
  
"I don't want apologies!"   
  
"What then? What do you want me to say?" Jack demanded, turning around to face his former lover. "Tell me, what do you want?"   
  
"You have no idea what I want, do you, Jack?" Daniel asked quietly.   
  
"Oh, I think I have a perfect idea! You-you-you don't want to be a 'plaything' - whatever that means - and you don't want to have a relationship with me and you don't..."   
  
"We have no relationship, Jack."   
  
"Don't interrupt me. Now, where was I...?"   
  
"No, Jack, those are all don'ts. What *do* I want?"   
  
"Well, you sure the hell seem to like sucking cocks!"   
  
Daniel got up from the bed and throwing the bandages on the floor, he headed straight out of the room, without turning to look back this time. He knew he was the guilty one, but there were guidelines for punishments, too, some common courtesy and humanity that could be applied even in as unusual a case as theirs, and this was clearly going far beyond those limits.   
  
"Wait! Daniel! I didn't..." Jack shouted as he hurried into the hall to catch up with him, grabbing him by the sleeve. "You know I didn't mean that. I'm just no good at this..."   
  
"Talking, you mean? Never were and never will be."   
  
"Well, I don't recall you going on about anything outside the field of archaeology, either... Please." Jack's voice was nearly begging. "Don't go. We'll talk. For once."   
  
"No more jokes?"   
  
"Cross my heart and all that."   
  
Their eyes locked and for a moment Daniel was sure this was the man he had lost that first night they had slept together. This was Jack, his best friend.   
  
"Dammit, Daniel," Jack sighed, and on pure impulse his hand reached out to cup Daniel's head. "Why the hell d'you have to be so beautiful? It would make things a whole lot easier if you weren't, you know."   
  
"What things?" Daniel asked, though fearing the answer in advance. He was very well aware of how close Jack's face was to his and how incapable he was of resisting the temptation to explore the promises the brown eyes seemed to be making.   
  
"This breaking-up thing. You're just too damn good to let go."   
  
As the last word had passed Jack's lips, they were already half-way over Daniel's and, to his surprise, received with an eagerness he had only dared to dream of. Jack decided to live the moment to the full and forcefully he pushed Daniel against the wall, smiling as he heard the tacky ornament plate, the gift from his old and bad-tempered spinster aunt which he had never had the courage to get rid of, drop to the floor and shatter into pieces. But along with the plate, something else was likewise broken.   
  
"No, Jack!" Daniel exclaimed and tore himself free from Jack's hold. "No!"   
  
"No, what? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you seemed to like that, so why not?"   
  
"This doesn't solve anything," he muttered and staggered past Jack back into the bedroom. "What did you mean by breaking-up?"   
  
"I meant exactly what I said. That's what you're here for, isn't it? Making a clean break?" Jack asked, avoiding to look at the breaker.   
  
There was nothing else left for Daniel to do but to shake his head in disbelief as he paced the room, running his fingers through his hair and tearing off bits of it in his frustration.   
  
"I'm really not getting through to you, am I, Jack?."   
  
"Then spit it out!" Jack's patience was hovering right on the edge of a very dark and deep ravine, and only the slightest push would be needed to plunge that patience permanently out of reach. This endless wavering and circumventing was proving too much for him. "You came here to talk, right? Came all this way to say *nothing*? You could have just as well done that when I was in the infirmary, but no, not one visit from you!"   
  
"I did go to see you!" Daniel shouted back.   
  
"Oh, and when was this?!"   
  
"When you were sleeping."   
  
"And what good did that do?!"   
  
"I don't know!" Daniel's face had turned to a shade of red Jack didn't know existed.   
  
Calming down, Jack fell down on the bed again, tired of the constant back and forth motion they appeared to be stuck in.   
  
"Okay," he started, letting his lungs be filled with air before blowing it all out along with the rest of his words. "What you want is obviously not here, so, say what you came here to say and leave."   
  
"Not before I get that dressing fixed," Daniel said obstinately and picked up the bandages from the floor, thankful that they were in sterilised packs and hadn't been harmed by his childish fit of anger. Without waiting for an approval, he pulled Jack's shirt up again, though considerably harsher this time, and started to dress the still slowly bleeding wounds, careful to avoid all unnecessary tenderness.   
  
"That first aid course you took really paid off," Jack said, grinning as he tried his best not to let Daniel hear how effective his attempts to hurt him actually were. "Thought you wanted to talk."   
  
"I did. I do."   
  
"So, let's hear it and then we can both move on."   
  
"Is that what you want, Jack? To move on?"   
  
"Well, isn't that what this is all about? We'll forget everything and move on. Simple."   
  
"Glad this is all so simple for you!" Certain that Jack had heard him swallow down the enormous lump in his throat, Daniel hesitated for a moment before letting the words come out as they were. "It was just sex, wasn't it, Jack? Great sex, granted, but still just sex."   
  
"If you say so."   
  
"No, I want you to say so! Say anything!"   
  
Jack buried his face deeper into the pillow, attempting the good old ostrich escape and failing miserably.   
  
"Why are you telling me this?" he asked, his voice coming muffled through the fabric. "What's the point of repeating it over and over?"   
  
"Because I'm stupid enough to hope you might interrupt me and tell me otherwise, that you might care about me after all and might even --"   
  
"A lot of 'might's you've got there," Jack cut in, lifting his head up again but not turning to face Daniel. The white wall was a much safer target to aim his words at. "But you *might* not be all wrong."   
  
"I might not?"   
  
Jack's lips refused to move, but his neck gave in and made a nearly undetectable nod.   
  
Pausing for while, though thinking hours must have passed in silence, Daniel finally gathered his voice, putting new firmness into it, and uttered: "Jack, I'm in love with you."   
  
As Jack said nothing, Daniel decided to continue venturing this sudden wave of confidence.   
  
"And that is why I had no choice but to end it."   
  
"Am I the only one seeing a component of weirdness in that sentence?" was all Jack could get out of his mouth while fighting back the burning tingle in his stomach   
  
Daniel's hands had finished their work with the dressings and feeling him pull back, Jack found the courage to roll onto his side and take a look at the man behind him.   
  
"You ended it because you... you..." He couldn't repeat Daniel's words further.   
  
"I know it was stupid and childish, not to mention risky, to make such an ultimatum, but I really wasn't thinking straight at the time and --"   
  
"Whoa, Daniel! Slow down, will ya?" Jack interrupted, as he pushed himself up and reached out his hand to turn Daniel's face to him. "An ultimatum?"   
  
"I think that's what it was."   
  
"You wanted me to...?"   
  
"I wanted you to say something! Tell me what I needed to hear!"   
  
"And I didn't," Jack said quietly, his hold of Daniel's chin suddenly weakening and his hand dropping down numb and lifeless. "I said nothing."   
  
"Well, you got your wish. I'm leaving now, " Daniel said, getting up. "I just made a complete idiot out of myself for the second time and I think that's enough for one lifetime."   
  
"The hell you are!" Jack's furious voice stopped Daniel better than a brick wall. "Get your ass back here! I've lost too much blood to keep running after you."   
  
Although taking orders was strongly against his convictions, Daniel sat down on the bed next to Jack, his heart racing from the adrenaline that hope had started to pump into his veins.   
  
"So...?" Daniel asked uncertainly, staring at the opposite wall, afraid of getting a glimpse of the look in Jack's eyes.   
  
"So... Goddamnit, Daniel! You mean a lot to me, a hell of a lot," Jack blurted, burying his face in his hands, avoiding eye-contact as much as Daniel.   
  
"I do?"   
  
"Oh, yes," Jack sighed, as if accomplishing an enormous task.   
  
"O-kay..." Daniel said hesitantly, still not turning his eyes from the wall.   
  
"No, it's not okay, nothing's okay..." Jack said as the guilt began to get the best of him. "I hurt you... bad. That morning in the store room, I... I thought you liked it rough, so I... Hell, I didn't even bother to ask you and I just went and took..."   
  
There was no denying Daniel had felt abused after that, but hearing the pain in Jack's voice, he would have been ready to forgive him for blowing up half the planet.   
  
"I do like it rough."   
  
"Daniel, I know I've treated you like shit, but if you can give me another try, I'm sure I'll do better."   
  
"You want *me* to give *you* a second chance?" Daniel asked, finally turning to face Jack, his finger swinging back and forth in the air between them. "W-when did the world turn upside down?"   
  
"The day I met you," Jack said with a most adorable smile as his hand slid over Daniel's and squeezed it firmly.   
  
"So, you think you can ever forgive me for all the stupid things I did?" Daniel asked, trying hard to keep his spirits down, not wanting to have to deal with more disappointments.   
  
"Look, I think the stupidity award will go to me this year." Despite the light tone of it, there was that same touch of guilt in his voice. "You'll have to wait for your turn."   
  
"Jack, you didn't--"   
  
"No," Jack continued, pressing his finger on Daniel's lips to silence him. "I didn't do lots of things. I couldn't."   
  
Again, Daniel made an effort to speak, but his lips were sealed.   
  
"Look, I hate this psychobabble," Jack started with a frown on his face and a sudden dryness in his mouth. "All I know is that I have some... issues to work on, concerning you and me and... you know... what we do and... what we... are."   
  
"Jack." The seal had been broken and speech was free again, Jack's hand being now held tight in Daniel's. "If this is about that, that... that touching thing, it's really not that big a deal. Really. It's not why I... with Jarkof..."   
  
"Now, why would you assume that I was talking about sex?" Jack asked with an evil grin dancing on his lips.   
  
Daniel's effort to give him the meanest of his looks soon melted into a smile.   
  
"So, you mean this, uh, unwillingness of yours to let me, uh..." Daniel's search for the right way to express his thoughts proved unfruitful. "It had something to do with admitting that--"   
  
"No, stop it right there. I don't wanna hear it."   
  
"Hear what?"   
  
"That word. I know you're a linguist and all, but do we have to define everything and give it a name?" Jack asked, obviously embarrassed by this direction the discussion had taken. "Can't we just... be?"   
  
"Yes... Yes, we can," Daniel said, tasting the proposition and endorsing it instantly. "No names."   
  
"No names," Jack repeated, his hand sweating in Daniel's hold, his senses sharpening in the presence of the most sensual.   
  
Slowly, he leaned closer, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Daniel's. All he wanted was to enjoy that scent again, to feel the warmth of Daniel's breath as it hit his own sunburned skin, to know Daniel was his again. And as he heard the man let out a deep, contented sigh, there was no doubt in his mind.   
  
"Come on, Jack," Daniel said softly, fighting back the urge to kiss Jack, telling himself they would have all the time in the world for that. "You need to rest for a while to let those wounds heal."   
  
Obediently Jack let Daniel press him down on his side and place a pillow under his head.   
  
"Comfortable?" Daniel asked as he got up with the thought of making a cup of coffee on his mind.   
  
"No. Not yet." Jack stretched out to grab Daniel's hand and pulled him back. "Don't go."   
  
Caffeine instantly took the second place, allowing Daniel to make them both feel more comfortable and sit down on the bed, leaning his back against the wall.   
  
"Uh... Does this mean that we're back together?" Daniel asked, wanting to avoid making any assumptions this time.   
  
"Let's say we're starting fresh."   
  
"And taking it slower this time," he added, and received an approving nod from Jack.   
  
"But I must warn you," Jack said seriously, tilting his head back to get a better look of Daniel. "This was your last chance of getting rid of me."   
  
"Oh, I don't think we'll have to worry about that any time soon," Daniel whispered, reaching to wipe the grin off of his face.   
  
And as Daniel pulled Jack's head into his lap and started stroking the man's silver hair, his mind drifted to a similar moment months back. Although the parts were reversed and practically every single thing had changed between them, the feel of it had stayed intact.   
  
"No back-rubs this time, okay?" Jack mumbled, wrapping his arms around Daniel's waist and resting his head on his stomach, listening to the sounds of life running through the veins of his loved one.   
  
The exchanged smile and the light kiss Daniel bent down to place on his forehead were all that was needed to seal the shared memory of their first night together.   
  
"There's something I think you should know," Daniel said softly. "You see, once upon a time, there was this girl, living in a place called Vun'tah..."   
  
His hand never stopping its tender movement, Daniel began to tell the tale in a low, soothing tone, giving it the atmosphere it needed to be understood. This was the story left untold in the debriefing, the oldest story there was, the story of one person in love with another. Their love had been pure enough to break the walls of society and surpass the needs of the flesh, transcend to a level only few were fortunate enough to know existed. Imaginary or real - it mattered not.   
  
The End.   
  
(If you made it this far, please review! All comments are more than welcome:) 


End file.
